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    « The Kids Conversation | Main | Am I A Loser 'Cause I've Never Been Married? »
    Sunday
    Oct162011

    Tired Of Waiting

    Lennie, I was dating a man who is separated, but not divorced and I ended it. He asked me to wait and said his divorce would be final in six months, but it wasn't. I love him, but I feel like I've wasted enough time. I have heard of divorces taking years, not months, and it's just not fair to me. What are your thought? I'm getting old and getting tired of waiting.

    Dear Tired of Waiting, 

    I think you made an excellent decision. You know that expression if you love something set it free... well, he should have had the strength to set you free, not drag you along in the dust of his bumpy divorce road. It took strength to do what you did. You deserve better, and you basically told him so. You need to move on with your life. If he shows up at your doorstep with a ring six months down the road, and you're still available, then you have another decision to make. In the mean time, you are free to do what you want, see who you want, and live your life as the single, unmarried woman that you are. Don't give away your independence for a maybe.

    Reader Comments (3)

    I don't agree as I have been "separated" physically / not living in the same house, for 1 & 1/2 years from my ex-husband, don't consider myself married as I haven't been in a marriage for 5 years....it's complicated & every situation is different. It's just a piece of paper really.
    Unless, you are both ready to get married & waiting for the legal papers I don't agree with breaking up....

    October 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterlisa ross

    Lisa, since a woman wrote the question, I took it to mean from her perspective...as the waiting party...not the separated party. She also told me her age, late 30s. She had been dating him for a year, and it was after that, that he said the divorce would be final in about 6 months.The question is... is he really separated? Legally separated, or does he just say he is? She is wasting time (tick-tock biological clock) and he could be stringing her along, because he is getting what he wants from her while she wants more... marriage, security, possibly a family. In your case, you are in the position of the man in this scenario...you are the one not divorced... but, put yourself in her shoes, at her age, with her dreams and desires and the judgments cast on women as they age and their marketability. Perhaps, you'll see things more the way I do.

    October 16, 2011 | Registered CommenterLennie Ross

    That piece of paper is important. There is no financial commitment without that piece of paper. He can make all the promises in the world, but why should a woman commit her life to a man if he's not willing to commit to her. There's a reason marriage was created. Look at the gay/lesbian movement for same sex marriages and how important it is to them!!! There is a lot of value to that piece of paper. Any woman who thinks otherwise is a fool.

    October 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersara

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