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Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct Blow Me Blow Me Half Broke Horses The Glass Castle Steve Jobs

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    « To Text Or Not To Text, That Is The Question. | Main | First Impressions »

    Getting To "No" You

    Whenever I go on a first date, the guy always asks me on a second date. It's so rare I want to go on a second date with anyone, but it's so awkward for me to say no. How do you tell someone you’re not interested?

    Dear Not Interested,  I know the feeling. Men need to learn that they should not ask a woman for a second date at the end of the first date. Or, God forbid, in the middle of the first date. Then what? Do you say 'yes' when you mean 'no' so you can finish your steak, or do you get up and leave before dessert? Learning to say 'no' is a common problem among women, because we are raised to be pleasers and to seek the approval of men. If a man is so crass as to ask you on a second date while still on the first date and you're not interested, you should not hesitate in saying 'no'. Just say you're not feeling the chemistry you need to feel to pursue things further and thank him for the evening. Men look at everything in business terms. He's looking to close the sale by asking for another date. If you give him a mixed signal by being polite and saying anything other than 'no' you will have a harder time saying 'no' the next time he asks for something. Be firm. Men are big boys. They can handle it. And if you're never going to see him again, what do you care what he thinks of you!

    Reader Comments (2)

    "Men look at everything in business terms." No we do not. Some of us just enjoy a womans company. And since when did being asked on a second date become, "crass?". That is a compliment to the woman to be asked out again. If you arent interested, say no, and I assure we won't call you again. Too many women out there who will appreciate a second date.

    March 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarry

    I'm always asked out on a second date while on the first. That's considered a compliment by gentlemen. Think you're 100% wrong on that and the business terms. Men aren't one description fits all. Sorry

    March 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMorgan

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