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Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct Blow Me Blow Me Half Broke Horses The Glass Castle Steve Jobs

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    « Where's This Going? | Main | Relationship Status: It's Complicated »

    Feeling Cheated

    Lennie: I go on a lot of first dates and I'm always paying the bill. Rarely do these dates develop into anything more. Why does the guy always have to pay? It's like a rip off and it's not fair.

    Dear Not Fair, life is not a Disney movie. The fact that women make on average 30% less than men and are subject to sexual harassment and sexual discrimination is not fair either. Men pay for first dates (and generally for all dates), because it's proper dating etiquette. I'm assuming that when you say you feel "ripped off", it's because you have an expectation to get to the proverbial "third date" or beyond and are not getting any action. If you're not making it past the first date, perhaps you are asking out the wrong women or there's something about yourself that needs improvement to make them want to take things further. Maybe they are sensing your desire to get to hit a home-run. It's easy to blame others. Maybe it's time to take a long look in the mirror and see if your hair needs a trim or your attitude needs an adjustment. If you feel you cannot afford these dates, then suggest dates that have less impact on your bank account, such as going for coffee or going on a hike. Remember, you have to be wiling to play ball in order to hit one out of the park. 

    Reader Comments (2)

    Dear cheated, At least you are getting a lot of first dates. That in itself is a major accomplishment. Stop expecting anything and instead just enjoy the moment. When the right one comes along, you will know it.

    April 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarry

    Hey Cheated,

    I think you may be feeling what I am and that is, it isn't getting to any bases, but just to have a great time with somebody you enjoy being with, right? Well, for me, why can't we (a couple) have a great time and take turns paying? I have been paying for everything lately and I'm not looking for anything in return other than my date offering to pay for dinner, movie, or drinks, anything.

    I understand what Lennie is saying and I don't agree. If you new me, I am a very generous person and all of my guy and girl friends believe so. It just gets frustrating when you want to enjoy the evening, laugh with somebody, have great conversation, etc. and pay for it all the time.

    April 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMmmm

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