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    « Looks aren't everything, or are they? | Main | Dating at 40 »

    What is up with today's women? 

    Dear Lennie: My last relationship lasted 20 years. I'm now mid-40s and dating. Things are a lot different now then they were when i was young. Maybe it's the age of the women I'm dealing with, 35 to 45 years old. It seems they all have some kind of hatred towards men. Like everyone of then have been hurt and need to get revenge. Thoughts? T

    Dear T

    I hear this very often, and I think it relates directly to last week's post on dating at 40. I think women get so frustrated: they are exhausted by the fact that they have worked so hard on their careers, and perhaps didn't make time for a relationship, and those relationships they had didn't turn out so well. The pressures on women these days are intense, and I think sometimes they forget to stop and relax and just be women. We have the pressure of biological clocks, and not just in regard to babies, but I've heard of men looking at women in their 40s as only having a few good years left before they hit menopause. So panic sets in for women, and they are so busy rushing to the finish line of "finding Mr. Right" that they forget to stop and relax and enjoy the process.  It's also true that a lot of men treat women poorly (and the women allow themselves to be treated poorly, because somehow they grew up with low self esteem—been there myself). Many women in their late 30's early 40's feel like it's hopeless. It is important as a man to respect a woman's intentions—that is, if she is looking for a commitment, children, marriage, etc—not to waste her time. But, it's also important for women to lighten up in the process. I hope that makes some sense ;) My friend Hot Alpha Female has an interesting video blog on this subject:

    Reader Comments (1)

    Lots of men automatically assume that if a woman has a good career, education, etc. that she doesn’t “need” a man. Men look at a successful woman and think she “deserves more than what he has to offer her,” not thinking that his love, friendship, companionship, and kindness are what she really needs and wants. This happens to me ALL of the time. I would give anything in the world to meet a nice man who would not freak out when he finds out what I do for a living and could understand how lonely it is to come home to an empty house with no one to love, make dinner for, kiss goodnight, etc. Men don’t take into consideration that a woman who hasn’t had a man propose to her at a very early age, basically volunteering to take care of her, has to go out and work to feed herself. She must learn to make it in the world alone. A woman is then punished for her accomplishments the same way that a man is punished for being unaccomplished. So after many years of being pushed aside & rejected, it’s really scary to get excited about a guy or let him get close to your heart. You know that he may never call you again no matter how much fun you had together because it’s not “the right time,” “not ready,” “doesn’t know what he wants,” etc., and the odds of this happening are 99.999%. A girl has to meet the right guy at his perfect, once-in-a-lifetime place where he’s ready to get married, or he’s going to leave and pick some other woman a few years down the road when he is ready. Or maybe he comes back to you years later saying he wants you back, but it’s hard to trust after it was so easy for him to leave before. Dating is so hard, and neither gender makes it easy on the other one. We all come out with scars.

    August 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLC

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