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    « I Thought He Was Into Me | Main | For love or money? »
    Sunday
    Aug142011

    Was I Too Harsh?

    I've been casually dating a guy for 2 months. Everything was going well. We were getting to know each other and having a good time. He introduced me to his friends and family and said they all loved me! We had a date scheduled for a Friday night. The week before, he tells me that he likes me and wants to continuing seeing me. The night before the date he texts me saying he's looking forward to seeing me. Date night comes and about 15 mins before he is supposed to pick me up he texts me saying he is going to have to rain check our date because he has a flat tire. I was so upset and angry. I texted " Oh ok" and went out with a girlfriend. But first, I deleted and blocked him on facebook. At the end of the night, around 11:30pm, he texts saying he's sorry for cancelling and told me to let him know when he could make it up to me. I never wrote back, never heard from him again, and never contacted him again. What went wrong? I don't believe he had a flat tire. Should I have contacted him a few days later? Can you please explain this situation. Why would he blow me off like that? Was I a little too harsh deleting him and blocking him on facebook?

    Dear Too Harsh:

    First off, I do not believe it was a flat tire either. I think it was a case of a "better offer" which by 11:30pm turned out not to be a better offer and so he tried to do damage control. As for blocking him on Facebook immediately, yes that was rather quick and harsh, but I think your instinct was correct. The fact that he never contacted you again, asking/pleading for another chance, means he was not that interested and not worth the effort. Don't waste any more time on this. His behavior illustrates that he was not worthy of your attention or love. I commend you on your quick decision to go out with a girlfriend and make the most of your evening. Most women would have sat at home, texting and calling him to see if he got the tire fixed, if he might be able to meet later, etc... which is a recipe for disappointment, because as I said earlier, there was no "flat tire". He gets an "D-" for creative excuses. You are intuitive, smart and strong. You don't need my advice, just move on!

     

    Reader Comments (3)

    That is a problem with me also. I am very passionate and hot headed especially when I am not in the company of the person with whom I am upset. I text things I don't mean and am just blowing off steam but it often does irretrievable damage. I might tell the person that I never want to talk to them again and when it is texted you cannot be assured of a back and forth conversation. When you talk in person you can soothe the hurt feelings before you part company for the night. I am still learning to quell my passion but I know that people are only going to put up with being told to f**k off a few times before they really take it seriously.

    August 14, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterwendy

    This is why both the author of the blog and the girl who wrote the question are single. It's quite possible he had a flat tire and the fact that both of you automatically assume he is lying is a really bad sign.

    August 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJames Mitchell

    As a guy, I can say that this guy is definitely wasting your time. It might not be that he had a better offer but he definitely doesn't have his head screwed on right at this point. Now is not the time to show any interest in him unless you're great at setting boundaries.

    I know this happens to fabulous women everywhere. I'm curious if a situation can be rescued by a woman who's standing in her own power and challenges the guy with something like "Hey, never heard back from you. Women know that most guys will always run away if they realize they've been caught screwing up, but we are always impressed by a guy who has the guts to own up to his shit. Best wishes". I realize that guys who act like this guy are douche bags, but guess what, every guy has acted like a douche at some stage and probably screws up a bunch of times. We sometimes need a slap: honest direct feedback that challenges us and gives us a chance to prove ourselves to be the gentlemen that we aspire to. Most guys will run or whine but then you know they're not worth it. I suggest that sometimes giving a person a second chance that they then know they need to earn can be better than meeting someone that does everything right early on only to realize you're dealing with a smooth operator that lacks
    integrity and perhaps doesn't respect the fact he has to maintain trust to keep the deep bond between you.

    August 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBJ

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