Lennie, my boyfriend is always watching porn. He goes online in the middle of the night and watches it. I know, because I've checked the history on his computer. What does this mean? We have sex regularly, at least once a day. Is this not enough? Am I not enough woman for him? It makes me feel really sad. I don't like that he's cheating on me with the computer. How do I make him stop? Sincerely, a beautiful girl.
Dear beautiful girl, men enjoy a variety of visual stimuli. It used to be that men's magazines were the main form of stimuli, but now the Internet has changed that and made access to photographs, video and chat rooms very easy. The fact that he's looking at porn does not mean you are not enough woman for him. It means either of 2 things: he has difficulties relaxing and sleeping, and uses self–release as a way to relax; or, he may have a sexual addiction/obsessive–compulsive disorder. If you have not actually caught him in the act, I don't suggest confronting him. He will be upset that you have been spying on him, which is not healthy behavior for any relationship. If you do catch him in the act, then I think it's fair to address. However, addressing your concerns may not result in a change of his behavior. It's important for you to realize that this has no reflection on you. He is suffering from “a kid in a candy store” syndrome: there is so much out there to look at, men find it difficult not to look. The good news is he is just looking and not resorting to actual physical interaction with another woman. With many men it's the fantasy component of being with another woman that turns them on. You could try to spice things up in the bedroom—maybe watch porn together or role-play and pretend you are another woman. In summary, it's not unhealthy behavior to look at porn unless it's an obsessive behavior.