Tired Of Waiting

Lennie, I was dating a man who is separated, but not divorced and I ended it. He asked me to wait and said his divorce would be final in six months, but it wasn't. I love him, but I feel like I've wasted enough time. I have heard of divorces taking years, not months, and it's just not fair to me. What are your thought? I'm getting old and getting tired of waiting.

Dear Tired of Waiting, 

I think you made an excellent decision. You know that expression if you love something set it free... well, he should have had the strength to set you free, not drag you along in the dust of his bumpy divorce road. It took strength to do what you did. You deserve better, and you basically told him so. You need to move on with your life. If he shows up at your doorstep with a ring six months down the road, and you're still available, then you have another decision to make. In the mean time, you are free to do what you want, see who you want, and live your life as the single, unmarried woman that you are. Don't give away your independence for a maybe.

Am I A Loser 'Cause I've Never Been Married?

Lennie, most of my girlfriends from college are married, and I'm not. It's like that saying "always a bridesmaid, never a bride." Is there something wrong with me? I just haven't found the right guy, but when I tell them that, they say I'm too picky. I want to get married, I just don't want to make a mistake and end up divorced.

Dear Never Been Married:

Reminds me of that movie Never Been Kissed with Drew Barrymore. If I recall right in the movie, she felt the same way about romance as you do about marriage. There is nothing wrong with being single. And, according to a recent article in the New York Times nearly 50% of the adult population in America are single. The sad fact is, as stated in the article, we miss out on all the advantages (tax, medical, etc) that married people have. I think you are wise in waiting for the right one, rather than marrying out of desperation, need, pressure or insecurity. Stick to your principles and your prince will appear. 

Why Can't She Just Be Honest?

Why is it that women drag out relationships? Why is it that women can’t be honest and just say that they do not like the person? At the same time, why do women expect the opposite from men? DJ

DJ, great question. Women are only doing themselves a disservice in not being honest. Unfortunately, women are often taught to be polite and women are also conditioned to be afraid of confrontation. These two characteristics combined often result in a woman who does not speak her mind. That's often why women stay in the wrong relationship. They may stay because they have low self-esteem, and either don't think they can find better even though what they are in doesn't work, or they are afraid to be on their own. They also might think they can change the other person, which is a recipe for disaster. It is unfair that  women want honesty, and often can't be honest themselves. I do agree with you that it should be a two-way street with honesty.

Ultimatums

Lennie

How do you feel about women giving their man an ultimatum, like an engagement proposal deadline?

I am all for women standing their ground and putting down their foot. I know one woman who after a year asked her man where it was going. He said "what do you mean? I thought we were having fun" she told him if he didn't know now, he never would, and dumped him. Three months later he showed up with a ring. Ten years later, they are still happily married. I don't think a man should waste a woman's time. If you need to kick his ass to the curb to get him to commit, then do it. Just be prepared that he may commit to a life without you. But, better to know now than three years from now.

Mr. Manners?!

Lennie, my boyfriend totally lacks manners and I find it embarrassing. He never opens the car door for me, or the door to the restaurant. The other day we were at a party and he got a drink for himself and didn't even ask me if I wanted one. How can I change him? 

Dear Ms. Manners, I can appreciate your situation. Women like to be treated like ladies, and expect men to be gentlemen. I think many men use the excuse of women's Lib having confused the situation. But, there is simply no excuse for a lack of manners. Manners are sexy. I think you should never open your car door. If this means that he drives off leaving you on the side of the road, and doesn't notice you're missing until he turns over in bed and tries to f*ck you, so be it. I'm sure you dote on him and make him feel special; it's only fair that he do the same in kind. Poor etiquette is a reflection on him not you, so you needn't feel embarrassed. However, I don't think you should stand for that behavior as it indicates that he does not respect and appreciate you.