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Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct Blow Me Blow Me Half Broke Horses The Glass Castle Steve Jobs

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    If you have a question about dating, please email me through the form on this website (you may do so anonymously) or contact me by direct message on Facebook and I will do my best to answer your question. Responses are posted every Sunday morning.

    Please check out my Sex and the City style novel Blow Me—available now in e-book and paperback on my website and lulu.com. Also available in ebook on amazon.com and Google books.

     

    Entries in Advice for Women (27)

    Sunday
    Sep252011

    Ultimatums

    Lennie

    How do you feel about women giving their man an ultimatum, like an engagement proposal deadline?

    I am all for women standing their ground and putting down their foot. I know one woman who after a year asked her man where it was going. He said "what do you mean? I thought we were having fun" she told him if he didn't know now, he never would, and dumped him. Three months later he showed up with a ring. Ten years later, they are still happily married. I don't think a man should waste a woman's time. If you need to kick his ass to the curb to get him to commit, then do it. Just be prepared that he may commit to a life without you. But, better to know now than three years from now.

    Sunday
    Sep182011

    Mr. Manners?!

    Lennie, my boyfriend totally lacks manners and I find it embarrassing. He never opens the car door for me, or the door to the restaurant. The other day we were at a party and he got a drink for himself and didn't even ask me if I wanted one. How can I change him? 

    Dear Ms. Manners, I can appreciate your situation. Women like to be treated like ladies, and expect men to be gentlemen. I think many men use the excuse of women's Lib having confused the situation. But, there is simply no excuse for a lack of manners. Manners are sexy. I think you should never open your car door. If this means that he drives off leaving you on the side of the road, and doesn't notice you're missing until he turns over in bed and tries to f*ck you, so be it. I'm sure you dote on him and make him feel special; it's only fair that he do the same in kind. Poor etiquette is a reflection on him not you, so you needn't feel embarrassed. However, I don't think you should stand for that behavior as it indicates that he does not respect and appreciate you.

    Sunday
    Sep112011

    My X Slept With My Friend!

    Dear Lennie, I recently broke up with a guy I'd been seeing for several months. He was crushed. He's constantly texting, wanting to see me, even though I told him not to contact me. The next thing I know, he sleeps with my best friend. Only, she didn't know it was him, because she only knew him by his nickname. You know like Jonathan vs Jack, Robert vs Bob, or Bill vs William, and she didn't know his last name. She thought the guy was acting kind of weird, and after it was too late, she pieced it together and called me immediately. The next time he texted, professing his live to me, I asked him if he'd slept with anyone since we broke up and he said 'no'. LIAR. I am not upset with my friend. I believe she didn't know, but I want to strangle him. 

    Dear Strangler,

    Wow. Well, that does deserve strangling, though I still say step away from the rope! Nothing good ever comes from any kind of vengeful act. This guy is childish, vindictive, and a bit of a sociopath. Clearly, he wanted to hurt you and get your attention. Not sure why he is now denying it. Perhaps, he regrets what he did, hopes you don't know and still wants a chance to reunite with you. This sends chills down my spine. It reminds me of an old movie called Sleeping With The Enemy. I say mark his number "do not reply"  and never respond to his texts, calls, or e-mails.  Consider yourself lucky to have learned this about him now, and not years later after you're married to him and have children with him. Take the high road, walk away, and never look back.

    Sunday
    Aug282011

    Not Enough Woman For Him?

    Lennie, my boyfriend is always watching porn. He goes online in the middle of the night and watches it. I know, because I've checked the history on his computer. What does this mean? We have sex regularly, at least once a day. Is this not enough? Am I not enough woman for him? It makes me feel really sad. I don't like that he's cheating on me with the computer. How do I make him stop? Sincerely, a beautiful girl.

    Dear beautiful girl, men enjoy a variety of visual stimuli. It used to be that men's magazines were the main form of stimuli, but now the Internet has changed that and made access to photographs, video and chat rooms very easy. The fact that he's looking at porn does not mean you are not enough woman for him. It means either of 2 things: he has difficulties relaxing and sleeping, and uses self–release as a way to relax; or, he may have a sexual addiction/obsessive–compulsive disorder. If you have not actually caught him in the act, I don't suggest confronting him. He will be upset that you have been spying on him, which is not healthy behavior for any relationship. If you do catch him in the act, then I think it's fair to address. However, addressing your concerns may not result in a change of his behavior. It's important for you to realize that this has no reflection on you. He is suffering from “a kid in a candy store” syndrome: there is so much out there to look at, men find it difficult not to look. The good news is he is just looking and not resorting to actual physical interaction with another woman. With many men it's the fantasy component of being with another woman that turns them on. You could try to spice things up in the bedroom—maybe watch porn together or role-play and pretend you are another woman. In summary, it's not unhealthy behavior to look at porn unless it's an obsessive behavior. 

    Sunday
    Aug212011

    I Thought He Was Into Me

    Hey LennieI went on a first date with a guy and it was great. He was handsome, charming, picked up the tab, dropped me off, no creepy factor, and so on. We mentioned that we would try to meet again for lunch the next week, but I never heard from him. I called once and texted a few times, but never heard from him! I want to see him again. Should I contact him again or will I look desperate? -Sleepless In Los Angeles

    Dear Sleepless,

    It's like the movie 'He's Just Not That Into You'. I wish I could tell you otherwise. Perhaps the date didn't go as well as you thought, maybe he sensed some kind of deal breaker. Could be that he's just a flake after all, or he's playing the field. Anymore contact will just make you look and feel desperate and won't likely yield positive results. Time to move on, you deserve better!