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Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct Blow Me Blow Me Half Broke Horses The Glass Castle Steve Jobs

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    Entries in Divorce (2)


    Why Did You Get A Divorce?

    Lennie, I'm a divorced, single dad with greatest son in the world. I'm always asked by dates "Why did you get a divorce?" I don't feel discussing my ex would be in the best interest of my son. I try to answer honestly and tactfully: Divorce was not my idea; I never cheated / lied / ran-off with cheerleaders, etc.; further, my son knows he has two parents who love him more than anything. Dates consistently dig for more. They want a reality-TV back story. I don't badmouth, instead I say we had different values and steer the coversation to my values. I would not probe them about their old boyfriends, yet my answer is not enough for them. 

    Dear Divorced Dad,

    If a woman is looking for the drama version, she is probably accustomed to drama. Your answer to the probing is clear, concise, and respectable. It can be a threat to some women if you have a flawless relationship with your ex, but that doesn't seem to be the case, it seems more like a mutual respect for the sake of the child. Very mature. Talking about the "ex" is an easy topic (yet not graceful) when trying to get to know someone, so makes sense it would be asked often. I think your high road approach and decision to be a bit private is wise. It could be these women lack trust and lack experience with relationships that ended on good terms. Perhaps these women need to grow up a little before they are ready for a solid man like yourself.


    Tired Of Waiting

    Lennie, I was dating a man who is separated, but not divorced and I ended it. He asked me to wait and said his divorce would be final in six months, but it wasn't. I love him, but I feel like I've wasted enough time. I have heard of divorces taking years, not months, and it's just not fair to me. What are your thought? I'm getting old and getting tired of waiting.

    Dear Tired of Waiting, 

    I think you made an excellent decision. You know that expression if you love something set it free... well, he should have had the strength to set you free, not drag you along in the dust of his bumpy divorce road. It took strength to do what you did. You deserve better, and you basically told him so. You need to move on with your life. If he shows up at your doorstep with a ring six months down the road, and you're still available, then you have another decision to make. In the mean time, you are free to do what you want, see who you want, and live your life as the single, unmarried woman that you are. Don't give away your independence for a maybe.