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Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct Blow Me Blow Me Half Broke Horses The Glass Castle Steve Jobs

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    If you have a question about dating, please email me through the form on this website (you may do so anonymously) or contact me by direct message on Facebook and I will do my best to answer your question. Responses are posted every Sunday morning.

    Please check out my Sex and the City style novel Blow Me—available now in e-book and paperback on my website and lulu.com. Also available in ebook on amazon.com and Google books.

     

    Entries in Infidelity (3)

    Sunday
    Nov062011

    Once A Cheater Always A Cheater?

    Dear Lennie, My ex and I are still pretty good friends. We have been friends for forever and dated for 3 years. He cheated on me, a lot, so obviously things didn't work out, but we still hang out from time to time. Anyway, every time he sees me he tries to get into my pants. Well, long story short we ended up sleeping together and a week later I found out he has been dating some chick for about 3 months and she just found out she is pregnant with his baby. I don't know what to do. Do I warn this chick? Or just let it go and cut all ties with him and those people?

    Dear Cheated, First, let me say "ouch" that's gotta sting double hard! I think you have learned your lesson and won't allow yourself to be used and hurt by a cheater like this again. As for the other woman, if you caution her you will just come across like the scorned ex-girlfriend and will likely create more drama for yourself. You don't owe her anything, and she will learn her lesson in due time. Just be thankful you are not in her position, cut all ties, take the high road and move on. 

    Sunday
    May222011

    I'm hooked on a feeling

    Dear lennie, I've been dating this guy for almost a year and he controls me. I'm hooked on a feeling that he's cheating on me. He talks to all these girls. He said he isn't cheating on me and says he cares about me and I'm in his heart...I really love him but I don't want to get hurt...what should I do?

    Dear Hooked On A Feeling,

    First off, a man should never control a woman. There is a saying, "if you love someone set them free, if they come back to you they're yours." While I don't know specifically in what way he controls you, a man should never make a woman feel like she has a muzzle or leash on her. Love is not about control, it's about freedom. I would say trust your instinct when it comes to cheating and betrayal. While he may not be cheating, if you are feeling controlled and you are that concerned about his behavior towards other women, then this does not sound like the right relationship for you. Find a less controlling man who you can trust, that way you'll protect yourself from getting hurt. With this guy you're currently seeing, it sounds like you are already hurt.

     

    Sunday
    May012011

    Get Over It?!?

    Dear Lennie: About 5 months ago my boyfriend of 5.5 years and I broke up on very bad terms (he cheated, we dont talk AT ALL anymore). How do I get over him? Its been a few months but I still get sad sometimes when I look at pictures of us and think about him. I just need to get over him but I'm not sure how...im only 20 but I feel like I wont be able to trust any guy anymore. Help?

    Dear Cheated, there is nothing harder than getting over someone. I cannot propose any quick fix that will take the loneliness away. But, you must remember why you broke up. He violated your trust! Here's what I would suggest. Take all the photos, burn them on to a DVD, put them in a box if they're hard copies, and mail them to yourself care of a friend. Delete his number, email address, etc... if you want them for safe keeping incase you want to reach out in the future, then stick them in the box as well. Tell your friend to keep the box for you for a year and not to give it back to you until a year from the post marked date. That way you will not be tempted to fawn over the good memories.  You are only 20 years old. This was your first love and it was a long one, and I do not mean to discredit it in any way. It was important. Necessary. But you are just becoming a woman, you have so much to learn about the world and yourself, and you will look back on this in years to come, you will still remember the good times, but trust me when I say you will look back and know that he was not your destiny. And, if he is your destiny, several years from now, the universe will bring you together. But assume that's not the case. Move forward, keep yourself busy, hang out with friends, date... have fun. Focus on your life, your career, and the right relationship will come.  Email me in a year. I want to know how you feel then! Big hugs. I was in your shoes once. Head over heels with my first love. Now I know it never would have worked... he was far too boring for me. And I've become more woman than he could ever handle. You are young and have your life ahead of you. Go live it! As for trusting other men... that will take time, and you will learn so much as you grow as a woman.