I recently took a job out of town (400 miles) and have maintained a relationship with my girlfriend. We talk several hours a day. Lately on my visits, she gets angry as my departure nears. Eg: after a romantic weekend in Santa Barbara, we decided to stop by the artisan booths on East beach and found a craftslady who made beautiful glass kaleidoscopes. My girlfriend picked one up and didn't understand how to use it. The vendor tried to show her and she got frustrated and stormed off. She said the owner had snatched it from her, was disrespectful to her and that I didn't do anything so I was not being loyal to her. My jaw dropped. She has criticized me other time that I'm not rallying to her defense, such as when someone commented negatively about a photo of her on Facebook. Help me understand this Lady Angelino's mentality.
Dear 400 miles, by the way you describe your girlfriend's behavior it sounds like she's more upset by the physical distance in your relationship than she is willing to admit (perhaps even to herself) and she is not managing her stress well. Her repeated criticisms that you are not rallying to her defense or being loyal is perhaps her way of trying to find fault in the relationship (or you specifically) to emotionally distance herself. While I believe in rallying to a woman's defense, these are not instances in which one rallies. It sounds to me like this long-distance relationship is not working for her, but she is not yet ready to admit it. Instead she is subconsciously pushing you away through her behavior and criticisms. You may be in for more rocky terrain since she is not prepared to address the relationship status directly. It sounds to me like she may want to end things. That said, proceed cautiously and protect your heart.