Dear Lennie: About 5 months ago my boyfriend of 5.5 years and I broke up on very bad terms (he cheated, we dont talk AT ALL anymore). How do I get over him? Its been a few months but I still get sad sometimes when I look at pictures of us and think about him. I just need to get over him but I'm not sure how...im only 20 but I feel like I wont be able to trust any guy anymore. Help?
Dear Cheated, there is nothing harder than getting over someone. I cannot propose any quick fix that will take the loneliness away. But, you must remember why you broke up. He violated your trust! Here's what I would suggest. Take all the photos, burn them on to a DVD, put them in a box if they're hard copies, and mail them to yourself care of a friend. Delete his number, email address, etc... if you want them for safe keeping incase you want to reach out in the future, then stick them in the box as well. Tell your friend to keep the box for you for a year and not to give it back to you until a year from the post marked date. That way you will not be tempted to fawn over the good memories. You are only 20 years old. This was your first love and it was a long one, and I do not mean to discredit it in any way. It was important. Necessary. But you are just becoming a woman, you have so much to learn about the world and yourself, and you will look back on this in years to come, you will still remember the good times, but trust me when I say you will look back and know that he was not your destiny. And, if he is your destiny, several years from now, the universe will bring you together. But assume that's not the case. Move forward, keep yourself busy, hang out with friends, date... have fun. Focus on your life, your career, and the right relationship will come. Email me in a year. I want to know how you feel then! Big hugs. I was in your shoes once. Head over heels with my first love. Now I know it never would have worked... he was far too boring for me. And I've become more woman than he could ever handle. You are young and have your life ahead of you. Go live it! As for trusting other men... that will take time, and you will learn so much as you grow as a woman.