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Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct Blow Me Blow Me Half Broke Horses The Glass Castle Steve Jobs

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    If you have a question about dating, please email me through the form on this website (you may do so anonymously) or contact me by direct message on Facebook and I will do my best to answer your question. Responses are posted every Sunday morning.

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    Entries in Marriage (3)


    Am I A Loser 'Cause I've Never Been Married?

    Lennie, most of my girlfriends from college are married, and I'm not. It's like that saying "always a bridesmaid, never a bride." Is there something wrong with me? I just haven't found the right guy, but when I tell them that, they say I'm too picky. I want to get married, I just don't want to make a mistake and end up divorced.

    Dear Never Been Married:

    Reminds me of that movie Never Been Kissed with Drew Barrymore. If I recall right in the movie, she felt the same way about romance as you do about marriage. There is nothing wrong with being single. And, according to a recent article in the New York Times nearly 50% of the adult population in America are single. The sad fact is, as stated in the article, we miss out on all the advantages (tax, medical, etc) that married people have. I think you are wise in waiting for the right one, rather than marrying out of desperation, need, pressure or insecurity. Stick to your principles and your prince will appear. 




    How do you feel about women giving their man an ultimatum, like an engagement proposal deadline?

    I am all for women standing their ground and putting down their foot. I know one woman who after a year asked her man where it was going. He said "what do you mean? I thought we were having fun" she told him if he didn't know now, he never would, and dumped him. Three months later he showed up with a ring. Ten years later, they are still happily married. I don't think a man should waste a woman's time. If you need to kick his ass to the curb to get him to commit, then do it. Just be prepared that he may commit to a life without you. But, better to know now than three years from now.


    The next step

    Our relationship is going well and steady for 6 months, and she’s talking about taking the next step, but I’m not ready. What do I do?

    The answer to this question depends a lot on the age of both parties involved. The older a woman gets the more time-conscious she becomes, partially due to her biological clock. Men seem to think they can stay young forever; women tend to be more realistic. Regardless of age, it’s not healthy to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. If you are not ready to take things further, you need to examine why that is. Are you not ready to get serious with her or are you not ready to get serious with anyone? You need to be honest with your girlfriend about how you feel, even if it means ending the relationship or taking some time apart to figure out what you want. Be forewarned: if you opt to take time apart, she may move on while you are trying to decide what you want, so don’t take too long.