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Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct Blow Me Blow Me Half Broke Horses The Glass Castle Steve Jobs

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    If you have a question about dating, please email me through the form on this website (you may do so anonymously) or contact me by direct message on Facebook and I will do my best to answer your question. Responses are posted every Sunday morning.

    Please check out my Sex and the City style novel Blow Me—available now in e-book and paperback on my website and lulu.com. Also available in ebook on amazon.com and Google books.

     

    Entries in Money (2)

    Sunday
    Apr172011

    Feeling Cheated

    Lennie: I go on a lot of first dates and I'm always paying the bill. Rarely do these dates develop into anything more. Why does the guy always have to pay? It's like a rip off and it's not fair.

    Dear Not Fair, life is not a Disney movie. The fact that women make on average 30% less than men and are subject to sexual harassment and sexual discrimination is not fair either. Men pay for first dates (and generally for all dates), because it's proper dating etiquette. I'm assuming that when you say you feel "ripped off", it's because you have an expectation to get to the proverbial "third date" or beyond and are not getting any action. If you're not making it past the first date, perhaps you are asking out the wrong women or there's something about yourself that needs improvement to make them want to take things further. Maybe they are sensing your desire to get to hit a home-run. It's easy to blame others. Maybe it's time to take a long look in the mirror and see if your hair needs a trim or your attitude needs an adjustment. If you feel you cannot afford these dates, then suggest dates that have less impact on your bank account, such as going for coffee or going on a hike. Remember, you have to be wiling to play ball in order to hit one out of the park. 

    Sunday
    Apr032011

    The Fake Wallet Draw

    Dear Lennie, At the end of a date, even if I am expecting the guy to pay, I feel like it's rude or presumptuous of me not to at least pretend to go for my wallet. What is the most graceful way to handle someone paying for you? Feeling guilty.

    Dear Guilty Girl: I don't recommend the fake wallet draw. He may take you up on it, and if you weren't actually intending to pay, you may be embarrassed if you don't have enough cash on hand. Furthermore, he may pick up on the fake draw and that's not going to impress him. I'm a traditionalist when it comes to dating and believe a man should ask a woman out and pay for the date. His manners and dating etiquette are an indication of how caring he will be as a partner. The most graceful way to handle someone paying for you is simply to say "Thank you" or, you can elaborate and say "Thank you, I had a lovely evening." If you are uncomfortable having a man pay for you, you need to examine why. It could be a lack of self-respect or self-worth that you don't feel deserving of being treated well, or it could be that you feel an obligation to take things further. Make no mistake: Your only obligation is to act like a lady. If you act like a lady, you deserved to be treated like one too.