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5 Dating Resolutions for 2011

Long before The Secret, I had a boyfriend who made me a “vision board” by pasting photos, words and magazine clippings on a big piece of construction paper. It represented who I was and where I wanted to go in life. While this man never supported me financially (in fact, it was the other way around), he got bonus points for being emotionally supportive of my career. Without him, I would have never become a writer nor would I have moved to the United States.

He was the little voice that said “you can do this” as I wrote magazine articles for 50 cents a word and copy for medical brochures (yawn) and real estate brochures (more yawns). I would come home after a long day at my ‘paying gig’ of producing commercials, and he would have music playing, champagne to toast the sunset together, and a bubble bath drawn and lined with candles for me to unwind in while he prepared a gourmet dinner. For years I had the vision board on my wall, probably right until The Secret became popular. Then I tucked it away somewhere, a little embarrassed that it was now the thing to do.

After retiring the vision board, I started making a list each year of the top ten things I wanted to accomplish.  I would post it on the bulletin board above my desk and regard it as a kind of a wish list. Some things were material, some were less tangible, but they were all landmarks in my life, such as owning a home, writing a novel, and selling a screenplay. I stopped doing the list a few years ago and recently came across the last list I had made. I had accomplished eight of the ten items. Call them resolutions, call them goals, they had almost all come true. Maybe there is something to committing one’s visions to paper. This got me thinking. New Year’s resolutions tend to be things like losing weight, quitting smoking, or getting out of debt. Where’s the fun in that? 

Allow me to suggest 5 dating resolutions for 2011:

Join A Dating Service And Go On A Date A Week: That’s 52 dates in a year.  Finding a partner is a numbers game.  Need I remind you from my Pardon Me For Sticking My Tongue Down Your Throat blog, there are roughly 310 million people in the United States, approximately 155 million of each sex, so fifty-two dates is a mere drop in the bucket – but at least a good start. It doesn’t matter if the dates are 5 minutes long or 5 hours long. The point is to get out there and date.

Go To Every Social Event You Are Invited To: How many times do you say ‘no’ or ‘maybe’ or not even respond to an invitation to a party or a dinner? And how in God’s name are you going to find someone if you don’t leave the house? Socialize, socialize, socialize. You never know where you’re going to meet someone.

Make New Friends: Facebook is great, but most of those are virtual friends or people who you never see, because they live far away. Go out of your way to talk to people, whether you chit-chat in the elevator or make nice with the people at the table next to you when you’re out for dinner. People know people. If you make new friends, your new friends may know someone just perfect for you. Treat your dating life, like it’s a business. It’s all about networking.

If Someone Sets You Up On A Blind Date, Say Yes: Sure, it may be agony (like one I recently went on) and it may cause some temporary awkwardness between you and your friend who set you up, but it’s better than sitting at home watching Hawaii Five-O and dreaming of dating Scott Caan (yum!) or Alex O’Loughlin (double yum!). Your friend meant well and may be confused at how his/her matchmaking skills failed, but may get it right the next time.

Go To Restaurants Alone and Sit At The Bar: Restaurants with bar dining trump conventional bars for meeting quality guys. Some great places in Los Angeles for this kind of dining, where you won’t feel like a loser eating alone and are likely to strike up a conversation with the person next to you who is also likely eating alone, or there with a friend of the same sex (thereby increasing your odds) are Cecconi’s, Bouchon Bistro, Osteria Mozza, Pizzeria Mozza, and XIV.  I have met interesting men at all of these places. 

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Reader Comments (4)

I agree with 3 (Make New Friends) and 5 (Eating at the bar of a serious restaurant). And with your general theme of Getting Out.

Alas, I mostly disagree with the rest. I can't think of anyone I know who met their mate via a Dating Service or Blind Date. To me, these have an unacceptably low success rate. In fact, you imply this, as you suggest going on a date from a dating service every week this year (- giving you the Are You Out Of Your Flippin' Mind look). Either you're an investor in a Dating Service or you are actually(!) encouraging masochistic serial dating.

Quality, not Quantity: Finding a partner is not a numbers game, it's a percentage game. It's being in the right place where you have a much higher than usual odds of meeting the desired mate. Going to classes, events, outings, etc., where you can meet someone in person who has similar interests as yours. And you're already likely having a nice evening, rather than hoping to get through the evening.

I also think you have to find your mate yourself - not rely on friends or a dating service to match you up. (Do you really think the wealthy guys listed at the finest dating services are prizes rather than previously rejected, rotting fish?)

Wouldn't a better goal be to have 3 great dates this year rather than 50 mediocre ones? (Unless you're writing a book on it.) ;)

Actually, I am not writing a book on it. My novel, which is fully written, is fiction as is most writing I do. I am merely offering up suggestions and encouragement to those who may be interested. You are perfectly entitled to take from my blog what works for you and ignore the rest.

Bt the way, you can't have a percentage without numbers. It is all about quality and finding someone who works for you. That's why introductions by friends can't hurt. After all you chose them as friends. Doesn't say much if they have terrible friend...

All the best in 2011.

Thanks for reading and commenting. Glad I provoked thought.

January 1, 2011 | Registered CommenterLennie Ross

Dear King:

I have to disagree with you. One of my friends went on like 100 dates from an online dating service and she is now happily married to a successful. hot, financial analyst and has a 4 bedroom home in Greenwich. I have another friend who met her husband via a blind date orchestrated by her aunt (and boy did she not want to go on it), another friend who met her husband at the bar of a TGI fridays where she sat down to have some fries and a beer while waiting for me to arrive as I was running late (yes, it was the early nineties so I get a pass on being at Fridays) and two more friends who are recently engaged - both to people they met from an online dating service.

I agree that going to classes and doing activities that you are interested in is a great way to meet people. I have another friend who met the love of her life after she joined a backgammon club.

What Lennie is saying is that the more you put yourself out there the better your chances are for success.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Wow, I only make 25 cents a word writing for a trade...no wonder I strike out with hot women ;-(
New Year's resolution: Get a second job.

January 12, 2011 | Unregistered Commentererkcyclisme

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