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« 5 Reasons Why Women Should Complain Less | Main | Sexy Shoe Diaries - Part 4 »
Saturday
Oct292011

Trick?

Last week I wrote a blog called Three Reasons Why Not To Dress Like A Ho. There is one time of year when dressing like a ho is not only acceptable, but the common theme—at least in Los Angeles—and that’s Halloween. It may have all started with Hugh Hefner’s annual Halloween Party at the Playboy Mansion, where women parade around in costumes fabricated entirely of bodypaint, but it seems that slutty Halloween costumes are the norm for LA women. I confess, I have done this myself. Last year I went as a sexy female Elvis, the year before I was a sexy school girl (with a priest as my date), and the year before that I was a slutty Sarah Palin.

I'm not going to lie. I chose my previous sexy costumes because they were cheap and easy—not unlike how I looked in them. In keeping with the theme of cheap & easy, here are three slutty Halloween costume suggestions that are sure to get a laugh, or at least a little attention:

Kim Kardashian: If you don’t have black hair, grab a cheap black wig which are plentiful at costume stores this time of year (due to the popularity of witches), wriggle into an inappropriately short dress with a plunging neckline, and go to one of those $10 or under jewelry stores and get the biggest fake diamond ring you can find. If you don’t have cleavage or a bootie, four partially filled balloons will . Of course, you could end up being mistaken for Cher.

Puss In Boots: Witches and cats are classic Halloween characters. Instead of going as a simple black cat, go as Puss In Boots since the movie with Antonio Banderas is coming out soon. All you need? A sexy black (or leopard print) bra and panties, a tail made from an opaque black stocking (try stuffing it with old stockings), two little black ears attached to a black hairband. And a smoking hot pair of boots like my Gucci Helena boots that Angelina Jolie made famous in Vanity Fair. Don’t forget to paint whiskers on your cheeks with black eye liner.

Anthony Weiner: For ripped guys, or even those who aren’t (funnier), just wear your tightie-whities. If you can’t maintain an erection all night from all the women dressed like sluts, put a banana or a sock in it (sock infinitely more comfortable!) and carry around a phone for tweeting photos of your package. Another great accessory, paint a blue ‘t’ on your chest for Twitter, or draw one on the ass of your underwear so they get the joke as you walk away.

If you don't like my suggestions, visit Trashy Lingerie in Los Angeles or online, or take a look at the Forplay Catalogue for dozens of slutty ideas under $50. Whatever you dress up as...or undress as...be sure to get your ghoul on and have a safe and happy Halloween.

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