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5 Reasons Why Women Should Complain Less

Bitch, bitch, bitch. How often do you hear your girlfriends complaining about their lives? Face it, ladies. We like to complain. In fact, we speak in complaints. It is how we communicate. While it may work just fine when we’re around other women, it does not work with men. If you want to form a closer bond with the man in your life, you need to dial down the complaints, and learn to speak in a language he understands. Here are just a few pointers on how to communicate more effectively with your significant other:

1. MEN HATE COMPLAINTS: The words “why” and “you” in any combination will set your man on the defensive. Eliminate phrases such as “Why won’t you…”, “Why can’t you…”, and “Why don’t you…” from your dialogue. Men are competitive creatures, and when challenged they will often fight. You can still win your point, by using a different strategy. Turn complaints into compliments, by phrasing your complaints as compliments, by saying “I love it when you….” or “I really appreciate it when you…”. You get more bees with honey.

2. MEN HAVE SHORT ATTENTION SPANS: Give him the CliffsNotes version of your story and get your point across quickly—before he tunes out. If he needs more details, he will ask for them. If you drone on about things, he will not recall every point and you may get angry later when you realize he wasn’t listening. Eliminate that possibility by being succinct in the first place. And, remember, men like to fix things. If you present him with a problem, he will want to solve it so he doesn’t have to keep hearing about it. If you don’t want his help, then don’t complain about it in the first part.

3. MEN HAVE AN INTERNAL SCOREBOARD: Men are competitive creatures. They are hardwired with an internal scoreboard that records wins and losses—nothing else matters. That is why he needs challenges in sports and business. He needs to win. If you criticize your man, when you indicate that he has disappointed you, it is an automatic loss on his scoreboard. Men don’t like to feel defeated, so set him up to win and reward his for his efforts.

4. MEN FEEL EMOTIONALLY DISADVANTAGED: Men tend to operate off the logical side of the brain and research suggests emotions are overwhelming for them. When faced with an emotionally charged woman a man will frequently respond with anger. Men are attracted to women who exercise emotional self-control, because it supports their own personal need to feel in control.

5. MEN DISLIKE ANGRY WOMEN: There is nothing more unattractive to a man than an angry woman with a sharp tongue. An irritated tone or harsh criticism will shut down communication. The majority of men react more to tone than words. Make a conscious effort to reclaim that sweet, soft feminine voice you were born with. Talk slower and softer and he will react more favorably. Rather than criticize and attack, positively impact your relationship with your dulcet speech. Do not underestimate the power of sultry, flirtatious suggestions. You will train him to respond eagerly to your voice.

If you truly are committed to developing a better relationship, find ways to incorporate these suggestions. You will experience female empowerment without having to be assertive like a male, and you’ll notice a positive shift in your relationship.

Enjoy my blog? Order my novel, Blow Me, available on my website and on Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble.com and Google Books


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Reader Comments (10)

I give a stamp of approval on this post!!

November 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAOC Johnny

Glad you approve, Johnny. A lot of my Facebook guy friends strongly approved!

November 3, 2011 | Registered CommenterLennie Ross

Great article. Only thing is sometimes we get angry...this is coming from someone who doesn't express who anger much but when I have I noticed there is much power in my anger and some men just don't know how to handle that. Sorry guys but it isn't always smiles and tears.

November 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTracey

Anger is not the same thing that Lennie is talking about. She is referring to women who speak in the language of complaint. We all know who they are.

November 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDavid B

LOL..interesting, I like how it explains the points with facts. Men and women are indeed differently wired!

November 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterR King

Ha ha ha! I think this article is a bit sexist. I'm a hell of a lot more logical than most men (which is why I'm better at math and science). But anyway, now I know that to win an argument, I must reward my man with "treats" to encourage good behaviour. :)

November 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSteph

LIFE is sexist...get over it. And the article is merely about whiny women....women love to complain, but should do so only in the presence of other women...IF they value the relationships of the men in proximity to said whining.

November 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDavid B

Fantastic article. Of course it's going to be seen as sexist. But every time someone points out one of the many differences between men and women it is tagged as sexist. Personally I am fascinated with the differences and find it extremely exciting and rewarding to learn as much as possible about females. Building great relationships is about honoring others and I would think that a woman would want to be just as interested in what makes a man tick.
As a generalization, Women are much more in touch with their emotions than men. Men tend to try to use logic in lieu of emotion. Of course there is always going to be some men that are more emotional and some women that lean more toward the logic side.
As for Lennie.....obviously an incredible woman!. Taking the time to put together an article like this is a huge win in my book. Any time spent learning the dynamics of relationships and how to improve upon them is time well spent.

November 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterWalt F

Walt, thanks for the comment and compliment. Appreciate you reading and commenting on my article.

November 12, 2011 | Registered CommenterLennie Ross

Lenny, Lenny, Lenny, why are you not here to sooth this savage beast? You have hit the nail on the head without ever mentioning Meta Programs (see Language and Behavior Profile from Roger Bailey) The challenge for men is to listen without feeling compelled to act. NOT going into Mr. fix it mode is probably the single most difficult thing a man in relationship can do when confronted with complaints and a woman who complains constantly is a phychic vampire, sucking life energy from her mate instead of contributing to his success. When she does that she injures both parties and contributes greatly to her own unhappiness. A man on a mission needs support to succeed. Complaints sap his energy and choke his success. Most strong men will put that woman on a shelf or discard her altogether. Weak men will suffer and endure to the detriment of all. So sad when the solutions are so simple. Complaining, like worrying is like praying for what you don't want. I love you Lenny - wish you were here ;-)

November 12, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTerry D

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