What is it with men that they will stick their dick in pretty much anything without a cover and without a thought? I’m often asked when is it okay to discuss the condom thing. Really? The condom thing? You mean, the “do you trust me enough that I won’t give you an STD” thing? In my opinion, it is never appropriate to discuss the condom thing, because most men (and women) are completely naïve about STDs, their transmission, symptoms and frequency of occurrence.
Did you know, for example, that due to Los Angeles’ prolific porn industry there is a specific California strain of Gonorrhea that is resistant to strong antibiotics such as Levaquin and Cipro, which used to knock pretty much everything out of the park. Since men, women, and diseases know no geographical boundaries, that same strain of the clap can also be found in New York, Chicago, and pretty much every other city in the world—the occurrence rate still being somewhat higher in California.
Recently, the State of California made a lame-ass attempt at cracking down on the porn industry by shutting down AIM Healthcare, the only low-cost clinic that serviced the adult entertainment business for over a decade. Now the 1200+ porn stars of the San Fernando Valley have no access to hassle-free, low-cost monthly testing, which means many of them aren’t getting tested at all. How does this affect you if you don’t sleep with porn stars? Well, plenty of porn stars make extra cash working as escorts, and escorts often sleep with husbands and boyfriends. I will leave it to you to connect the dots. It’s like that Faberge Organics shampoo commercial from the 80s. You know, the one with Heather Locklear. To see how freaky connected one person can be, look at the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon. You never really know whom you’ve slept with—you could be sleeping with a porn star, or Kevin Bacon for that matter.
To make matters worse, 50-60% of people who are infected with Gonorrhea and Chlamydia are asymptomatic—they have no symptoms. If you’re sexually active and think you’ve never had an STD, you’re probably wrong. And, unless you’ve been on some killer antibiotics for a sinus infection or Malaria, you may still have one. Women have a 60-80% chance of getting infected from one act of vaginal intercourse. So, consider this, gentlemen: if you have an asymptomatic STD and have sex with a woman who develops symptoms, that’s the last sex you’re going to have with her. Not scary enough? Women can get Gonorrhea of the throat. So, next time you have a persistent sore throat ladies, you might want to get it swabbed.
The same thing goes for Herpes. An estimated one in four sexually active adults—that means you’ve had sex one or more times—have the Herpes virus. They may not know, because the virus can lie dormant for years without an outbreak, so saying you are Herpes-free is a pretty ignorant statement. Even if you’ve been tested, the tests for Herpes can have false negatives. You need repeat testing to be sure you don’t have it. Ever kissed someone with a cold sore, and yet you’ve never had a cold sore? Game. Set. Match.
Ladies, when a man says “it feels better” in justifying his lame excuse for wanting unprotected sex, simply reply with this: “it also feels better to have sex than not to have sex, and that is your choice.” And men, next time you ask for unprotected sex, be aware of what exactly you are asking and what you might be getting—or giving. You may think it’s presumptuous to pull out a condom, but it’s more presumptuous not to. A boy scout is always prepared. If you’ve got a girlfriend with whom you’re having unprotected sex and you’re both STD free, and you decide to get a little something on the side—she may come with a side order of an asymptomatic STD. The next time you have sex with your girlfriend, you have a 60-80% chance of passing it to her. And, 2-30 days later, (the average incubation period), she is itching and burning and comes after you with a cleaver to perform a little Bobbit procedure on your private parts. Was it really worth the risk? Little tip, fellas: if you can’t be good, at least be safe.