Top 5 Online Photo Don’ts For Men
Wednesday, April 20, 2011 at 12:01AM 
Photo courtesy of comedian Peter Karinen. His NBC web series, Single Dads was recently written up in the NY Times If a picture's worth a thousand words, you don’t want those first words to be “ew, gross!” or “what a loser!” There are many ways in which you can enhance your online profile photo, but there are infinitely more ways in which you can deter women from ever communicating with you. Here’s my list of the top 5 online photo don’ts:
1. Don’t have a shirtless photo: She knows you want to see her naked. The reverse is not necessarily true - especially at the beginning. Where’s the mystery? Keep your photos tasteful and do not allude to anything sexual. If she had a topless photo of herself on her profile, you’d assume she was an escort. Is that what you’re trying to convey, that you’re a gigolo?
2. Don’t have a photo of you in front of a sportscar: It says, “I’m a loser with a small d*ck, but you will appreciate me for my material possessions.” She doesn’t want to see you in your car, on your motorcycle or operating any other heavy machinery. While that may be impressive to your male friends, it will not impress her. Furthermore, she’ll wonder if it’s your car or if you just took a photo in front of a cool car, because you drive a late 80’s Honda Civic.
3. Don’t hold a baby (or puppy): That is obvious and transparent that you’re playing upon her maternal instincts by saying “I’m great with kids. I’m holding a baby!” Besides, she might actually think that you have a baby, which could be more than she’s willing to take on and might scare her away. Another obvious one: don’t be holding a puppy. Again it’s pandering, and she may not like dogs or may not want to compete for attention with your dog.
4. Don’t give her your bedroom eyes: They are creepy. We do not want to date Charles Manson. They can also make you look vain, sleazy or gay – not great selling features. Even male models have a hard time pulling off the come hither look without looking totally gay. Leave the bedroom eyes to those who have it going on naturally – George Clooney and Brad Pitt.
5. Don’t use your business headshot as your main photo: It says I am a boring person with no imagination and it would be painful to sit through dinner with me. Need I say more?
When it comes to online dating, you want photos that capture the real you, not the person you'd like to be. Web cams may be convenient, but the pictures come across grainy. Don’t take a photo of yourself in the mirror using your phone. They are always poorly lit, have low resolution and more often than not, you’ll be staring at the phone, not at your prospective date. Instead, get a good digital camera and upload your photos at a high resolution (so they are not the size of a postage stamp). You can also have professionally taken photos (not at Sears with the cheesy school photo style portrait background). Make sure your photos are never more than a year old. It doesn’t matter if they’re good, if they’re old. You want to represent yourself as close to the way you will show up on your date, or you’ll never get a second date.
Reader Comments (3)
This picture is hilarious! I also want every guy on Match to read this.... Thanks Lennie
The business head shot is the WORST! I got a live one for you... there is a realtor who posted his business pic on a dating site which actually had his dogs posing with him!! LOL! My only question after seeing that was "what type of women actually respond?" I guess that's a post for another day.
LMAO. Soon will be a blog on worst profile lines! Have a great weekend and thanks for the comment