Having a rotating booty-call door with interchangeable women coming and going is standard fare for men in Los Angeles. Often these men will have two women at once, hence my term Ham Sandwich one arrogant jerk sandwiched between two desperate women smeared in a little mayo. Did I just cross the appropriate versus inappropriate visual line?
This type of guy is illustrated brilliantly by Jon Hamm in Judd Apatow's new comedy hit Bridesmaids. Hamm plays Ted, the fuck buddy of Annie (Kristen Wiig), a woman of low self-esteem who is down on her luck in love and life. Ted not only treats Annie like trash, but would actually expect her to take out the trash (including the used condoms) when she leaves which is never the next morning, because men like Ted don't do sleepovers. For men like Hamm's character, women are there to perform a service then leave and are treated with about as much regard as a piece of Kleenex used to wrap up a soiled condom. When Annie calls Ted on his shit after he expects her to give a blowjob while he's driving his Porsche, he yells you're no longer my number three. This is news to her, as she never knew there was a number one or two.
Having lived in and around Hollywood for over a decade, my theory is that this disregard and disrespect for women is perpetuated by the attitude of male entertainment executives. Los Angeles has always been a "Guys and Dolls" town where the casting couch prevails and leading ladies are portrayed and treated as sex objects.
Take Marilyn Monroe, for example. Rumor has it that our innocent little Marilyn was the subject of many private Hollywood gang-bang parties. No wonder she ended her life. I would too if I were treated like a sperm bank where endless deposits were made. In the '70s, Farrah Fawcett arrived on the scene when Aaron Spelling invented Jiggle TV with the original Charlie's Angels series and contractually bound his female leads into maintaining their svelte figures. Gaining just a few spare pounds was grounds for termination. Despite being a strong woman, Farrah couldn't handle the pressure and sexism brought on by having blond hair, a perfect body and to-die-for nipples, so she quit. In the '90s, Pamela Anderson capitalized on the blond bimbo obsession by turning herself into a real live Jessica Rabbit and has profited endlessly from her choice.
This coming fall, Jiggle TV is back in full force. ABC is reinventing Charlie s Angels and introducing Pan Am a Mad Men-esque show featuring sexy stews of the sixties who were only permitted in first class, because they were there to wait on the men. NBC has The Playboy Club, set in Chicago in the '60s and reminiscent of Hefner s bunny-eared and tailed cocktail waitresses. David E. Kelley s version of the '70s show Wonder Woman has already been cut from the schedule, because it was showing too much titty for network TV. I'm sure the male execs cocked their heads like the RCA Victor dog and asked "too much? Is that possible?"
This rebirth of Jiggle TV started with Matthew Weiner's AMC hit show, Mad Men featuring Christina Hendricks as Joan Holloway, the fiery red head with her diamond drilling tits who had an affair with at least one of the company executives. Why is it suddenly so popular? Here s a little fact about Hollywood. It's all about bottom line. Shows are created based on supply and demand and feeding the masses what they want. What they want are hot, subservient women who will give them a blowjob and take notes at the same time. That puts a whole new definition to the term dictation. It seems men are not happy with the outcome of women's lib and want to dial it back to a time when its acceptable and admirable to smoke Marlboros at work, have sex with the secretary, and enjoy two martini lunches a time when women were seen and not heard, and housewives were just that.
Fortunately for LA men, there are plenty of women who are willing to be submissive, to give themselves up easily as nothing more than a fuck buddy, a number in their blackberry, a glorified hooker (though hookers are at least smart enough to get paid).
While I don t condone this male mindset, I ve got to admit, if I were invited to be part of a Hamm sandwich, I'd probably go for it. I might even agree to a third slice of bread.