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Saturday
May282011

Hamm Sandwich, Anyone?

Photo Courtesy of Luck The LadyHaving a rotating booty-call door with interchangeable women coming and going is standard fare for men in Los Angeles. Often these men will have two women at once, hence my term Ham Sandwich one arrogant jerk sandwiched between two desperate women smeared in a little mayo. Did I just cross the appropriate versus inappropriate visual line?

This type of guy is illustrated brilliantly by Jon Hamm in Judd Apatow's new comedy hit Bridesmaids. Hamm plays Ted, the fuck buddy of Annie (Kristen Wiig), a woman of low self-esteem who is down on her luck in love and life. Ted not only treats Annie like trash, but would actually expect her to take out the trash (including the used condoms) when she leaves which is never the next morning, because men like Ted don't do sleepovers. For men like Hamm's character, women are there to perform a service then leave and are treated with about as much regard as a piece of Kleenex used to wrap up a soiled condom. When Annie calls Ted on his shit after he expects her to give a blowjob while he's driving his Porsche, he yells you're no longer my number three. This is news to her, as she never knew there was a number one or two.

Having lived in and around Hollywood for over a decade, my theory is that this disregard and disrespect for women is perpetuated by the attitude of male entertainment executives. Los Angeles has always been a "Guys and Dolls" town where the casting couch prevails and leading ladies are portrayed and treated as sex objects.

Take Marilyn Monroe, for example. Rumor has it that our innocent little Marilyn was the subject of many private Hollywood gang-bang parties. No wonder she ended her life. I would too if I were treated like a sperm bank where endless deposits were made. In the '70s, Farrah Fawcett arrived on the scene when Aaron Spelling invented Jiggle TV with the original Charlie's Angels series and contractually bound his female leads into maintaining their svelte figures. Gaining just a few spare pounds was grounds for termination. Despite being a strong woman, Farrah couldn't handle the pressure and sexism brought on by having blond hair, a perfect body and to-die-for nipples, so she quit. In the '90s, Pamela Anderson capitalized on the blond bimbo obsession by turning herself into a real live Jessica Rabbit and has profited endlessly from her choice.

This coming fall, Jiggle TV is back in full force. ABC is reinventing Charlie s Angels and introducing Pan Am a Mad Men-esque show featuring sexy stews of the sixties who were only permitted in first class, because they were there to wait on the men. NBC has The Playboy Club, set in Chicago in the '60s and reminiscent of Hefner s bunny-eared and tailed cocktail waitresses. David E. Kelley s version of the '70s show Wonder Woman has already been cut from the schedule, because it was showing too much titty for network TV. I'm sure the male execs cocked their heads like the RCA Victor dog and asked "too much? Is that possible?"

This rebirth of Jiggle TV started with Matthew Weiner's AMC hit show, Mad Men featuring Christina Hendricks as Joan Holloway, the fiery red head with her diamond drilling tits who had an affair with at least one of the company executives. Why is it suddenly so popular? Here s a little fact about Hollywood. It's all about bottom line. Shows are created based on supply and demand and feeding the masses what they want. What they want are hot, subservient women who will give them a blowjob and take notes at the same time. That puts a whole new definition to the term dictation. It seems men are not happy with the outcome of women's lib and want to dial it back to a time when its acceptable and admirable to smoke Marlboros at work, have sex with the secretary, and enjoy two martini lunches a time when women were seen and not heard, and housewives were just that.

Fortunately for LA men, there are plenty of women who are willing to be submissive, to give themselves up easily as nothing more than a fuck buddy, a number in their blackberry, a glorified hooker (though hookers are at least smart enough to get paid).

While I don t condone this male mindset, I ve got to admit, if I were invited to be part of a Hamm sandwich, I'd probably go for it. I might even agree to a third slice of bread.

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Reader Comments (5)

Lennie, you imply in your article that this situation is different than other cities. Are you saying that Hamm sandwiches are more likely in Los Angeles than, say, NYC, Chicago or San Francisco?

If so, why is this? Are there more single unattached straight women as compared with men than in other major cities? Are women less willing to insist on a certain level of courtship if they are going to sleep with a guy on a regular basis?

Women now outnumber men at more colleges, and at Boston Universiy, women are about 60 percent of the undergraduates. In addition, there are a meaningful number of guys who are gay, while the percentages of lesbians is much less. There seems to have reached a tipping point where the supply of guys to girls have moved far enough in favor of the guys that guys can dictate the terms – i.e., NSA, I will sleep with multiple girls in a week, if you don’t like it, I will just find another girl.

As to two girls at the same time, is this that common? Guys like to talk about this but I wonder how often does it really happen. Every guy I know would love a ménage a trios but even for the ones who have had one, they do not happen that often. In these circumstances, do the girls also do girl on girl? Needless to say, most girls love watching girl on girl.

In college, I dated a Welleslye College girl who refused to spend the night after we had sex, she insisted on leaving. Hear leaving that evening made me feel cheap. I realized that I wanted and needed the connection of cuddling after sex and that I wanted her lying next to me when I woke up. Plus I wanted to have sex in the morning too! We argued about this several times, and finally I broke up with her on this issue. But then it took me a few months to find another girlfriend.

I need to move to LA soon! And I wish I had a sandwich named after me.

Hi Straight Guy,

Well, I write primarily about Los Angeles... Write what you know... So to speak... And when you don't know, make stuff up ;) I do think this is a big city trend and I think it's a result of more access to porn and sensitivity going down. I think men want to do what they see in the pornos and I think our lives become numb from work and technology and mundane routine and a certain type of male gets a thrill like jumping out of a plane (which may be safer) by sewing multiple women.

I think divorce law also has something to do with this phenomenon of men wanting variety and not wanting just one. The fear of getting stuck financially. We live in a confusing time for relationships. I'm sure many a thesis will be written on relationships in this era.

As well, in general the majority population is women due to basic xy chromosomal bio chem laws and due to the fact that women live longer. So the competition between women to "snag" a man is fierce. And the ability for men to "shag" a woman pretty wide open.

Thanks for your comment. I love a good discussion!

May 29, 2011 | Registered CommenterLennie Ross

Hey Lennie, you so right. A girl I know used to think she was empowered having 3-4 fuck buddies likethe character in bridesmaid. She had them on rotation. She had been sexually abused as a kid. Sure didn't look empowering to me. Plus she was totally insecure.

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHollywood Girl

This is completely off the point but......Can we please give a big applause for the adorable patrol officer in that film!! hubba hubba.

May 31, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersingle much

I really enjoyed reading this and have a few comments.
1) I think that there is just as much of the "ham sandwich" going on in upscale areas of NYC--I don't know Chicago--but absolutely there are Wall Street guys, rather than industry folks, who are sleeping with multiple girls--not simultaneously of course, just consecutively or serially.

2) I think the entertainment industry thing is very true, to a point. But my boyfriend, rasied in Houston, a UCSB grad 1994 (40 next week) liked the movie a lot and I wanted to throttle this self-destructive girl for half the movie. Partly also, it's a matter of not ever having met or associated with a girl like this, my next point. He said plenty of girls sleep with men due to low self-esteem (without, as Lennie points out, even a nice dinner--this is what a male friend of mine called "the feed and fuck"--I mean this chick doesn't even get THAT much!)

3. I found it totally incredible she would sleep with him when a) he sucked in bed b) he was such an unmitigated p****) (not hot and cold, not sometimes cool and sometimes a jerk, never ever a redeeming moment in any sense), c) he never even bought her food, just allowed her the honor of having sex with him in what I acknowledge is a tremendous house. I know a waitress who's not the brightest girl and she's extremely materialistic and if a guy isn't buying her gifts, taking her out for food and what not, there's just no way--I have more respect for this waitress who at least stays with one guy to get her financial needs met etc... than someone who screws a guy like Hamm in the movie and gets nothing out of it but regret.

I do agree with Lennie about "Guys and Dolls", but I have NOTHING against being a fuck buddy. I am neither moralistic nor puritanical. However, if you're going to have a fuck buddy, you have to get something out of it: laughter or fun or great sex or dinners or wine tastings or (in LA premieres/free passes to movies) or friendship. I don't get a woman who sleeps with a rich and powerful a**hole with absolutely nothing in return, either emotional or material. I fully agree that a hooker is smarter than this girl portrayed by Wiig who is a comedic talent in the ballpark of Lucille Ball, Carol Burnett (great at physical comedy which is rare for such a pretty, skinny girl) and Meg Ryan (scary resemblance in face, voice, and body).

I hope to see Wiig in future moves (plus fabulous Melissa McCarthy from Gilmore Girls--Sookie--"not the case" might have been one of the best lines in the movie--she's one of the gems from the last decade on TV--and so brave not just ot be so fat but without makeup, hair not done etc.. I love that woman), but I hope she learns from Meg Ryan. She can do some extreme comedy, which of course she has on SNL. But eh is smart and has depth and I don't want to have to see a poop and puke scene in the next movie.

I will also blog on this later on Victorian Chick.

June 4, 2011 | Unregistered Commentervictoria ordin

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