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Saturday
May072011

My Ex Was Bipolar

I was reading a post recently on Dirty In Public called Do Women Expire? Finally, I’ve found a blog with more edge and cynicism than my own—and it’s from a male perspective. I’m so relieved. I didn’t want to be labeled as some cynical, single bitch hovering dangerously close to 40 who has to take out her life's misfortunes on men. That's not at all who I am. I am happy, sexual, confident, and have very few regrets. I am woman, hear me roar—but I am not and never will be a cougar.

The article Do Women Expire exemplifies the chauvinistic male opinion of women and age that runs rampant in today’s society. First, women wanted equality. We wanted to burn our bras and get into the work force. Now, some of us are not sure what we want as we realize Cosmo sold us a false bill of goods. We can not have it all—the kids, the house in the suburbs, the loving husband, the supermodel body and the amazing career, but somehow it’s still expected of us.

The pressures on women today are greater than ever. While men have just as much of a fear of aging as we do (it’s called The Peter Pan Syndrome), they now expect us to make six figure salaries, be mothers, dog walkers, event coordinators, maids, sex kittens and have a Mensa IQ. We women are finding this to be a recipe for a nervous breakdown. Men want us to be as flawless as a DeBeers diamond and yet they see no reason to be perfect themselves, proving it is still very much a man’s world. Ironically, the author himself says men don't have to worry about aging and looks; they just need to have a healthy bank account. True dat. While a woman's self-esteem is tied to her looks, a man's self-esteem is tied to his wallet. This is a phenomenon that may never change.

The most common statement I hear from men who I have met on a first date is “my ex-wife/ex-girlfriend was bipolar.” I hear this so often I had to call my doctor and asked him if there was some kind of epidemic? Is there something in the water in Los Angeles? Are all women in Southern California Bi-Polar? Should I be worried? Evidently, the only bipolar epidemic is the constant misuse of the term. Bipolar is one of those catch phrases that people use in a willy-nilly manner. Maybe all women are not all bipolar. Maybe we just can’t handle the heat and need to get out of the kitchen – or the office, or the bedroom, or the minivan. The problem is that we’re expected to be in too many places at the same time. Think about this: if you’re not going to be Superman, is it fair to put pressure on us to be Wonder Woman?

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Reader Comments (6)

It is reassuring to know that Wonder woman had no kids and Superman was impotent from wearing those tight lycra leggings and even tighter budgie smugglers over the top!

Women's lib was dangerous and has only led to greater numbers of IVF doctors and divorce lawyers!

In return women has indeed greater financial security and independence but did that cravinf for independence and apparent equality really mean women wanted to remain childless or divorced?

Meatloaf said it best and it is great advice for women who wish to avoid the pressure of being wonder woman...two out of three ain't bad.

May 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHenschke

Henschke, Thanks for your feedback. Such a powerful statement about women's lib. Ironically Match.com posted recently that Los Angeles has the most single mothers of any city in the US... not a favorable statistic. Something to reflect on this Mother's Day weekend.

May 7, 2011 | Registered CommenterLennie Ross

Perfect title! I was beginning to think Bi Polar women were an epidemic in NorCal also!
I think that women, scared of being classified as a nag or high maintenance, suck it up...a lot! We drop the kids at school, bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, while in heals and with a smile! Then the proverbial straw will drop (typically something trivial) and we morph into Regan from The Exorcist! No wonder men think women are bi-polar! Maybe women, myself included, need to make it not look so damn easy, strip out of the Wonder Woman bustier, tell Cosmo to f' off, and ask for help!
I'm so glad you liked our post and love how this article brought the topic to the next level. You rock!

May 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMarrie

Thanks Marri. I think you nailed it. I think we should just start showing how difficult it really is to juggle everything, that way our "moods" won't seem so drastic and we won't get labeled as quickly.

May 7, 2011 | Registered CommenterLennie Ross

Women face one additional challenge that get men confused: Women are physically weaker than 95% of the men they encounter daily (romantically, in the grocery store, or otherwise.) Why is this a challenge? Well from a wild animal perspective this means that 95% of the time women can be physically overpowered by most of the men she meets which, wisely, leads her to be very selective with whom she allows into her "comfort zone." For a while I thought young women were just being bitches to my advances. After helping teach a woman's self defense class, my male based perspective regarding uncomfortable first encounters (rejections) has made my calloused response A LOT softer if not empathetic.

Women do have a lot of challenges, some they can help and some they cannot but I love you all anyway.

May 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBobby

Awe, thanks Bobby for being a compassionate man. That is very true. And if a woman has ever been subjected to an aggressive male, she will be more cautious. Once bitten, twice shy. That is often why a woman won't say no when she wants to, because she is afraid of the consequences of saying no. Conceding-though not good for a woman's self-esteem-is often easier than fending off an someone who is angry and physically stronger... But I think that's a topic for another blog.

May 8, 2011 | Registered CommenterLennie Ross

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