“No. No, thank you. No f—ing way, you f—ing a**hole.” Any way a woman says it, the message is the same: she is not interested in dating you.
In the corporate world, a hostile takeover allows a suitor to take over a target company whose management is unwilling to agree to a merger or takeover. A takeover is considered "hostile" if the target company's board rejects the offer, but the bidder continues to pursue it, or the bidder makes the offer directly after having announced its firm intention to make an offer. Sounds an awful lot like Internet dating.
Lately, I’ve had a lot of men pursue me on Facebook. When I politely reply with “I am only accepting male friends who I know personally, or women who have similar interests,” they get nasty—really nasty. Some men can’t accept “no” for an answer; they resort to the hostile takeover approach to pursuing women.
A recent Facebook suitor said that we had met months ago on an online dating site. I vaguely recognized his photo. Given we hadn’t gone on a date, I was pretty sure I had done my due diligence and had concluded that we were not compatible. Now that I was on Facebook, he was relentless in wanting to meet me or at least have a phone conversation. I told him I wasn’t on Facebook to date, and was no longer on the dating site, because I wasn’t currently looking. He replied with hostility and said that if I wasn’t dating, then either my blog was a complete fraud or I was just avoiding dating him. I don’t feel I have to defend myself. I am not Schwarzenegger, Spitzer or Weiner. I have not done something unethical or immoral and do not have to justify my actions. I am entitled to a private life. I am not on trial.
Another shunned suitor accused me of being a convergent thinker, rushing to judgment (to which he added an e after the g—I’m sorry, but when you’re addressing a writer, please use proper grammar and spelling). He said my life was spiritually empty and meaningless, and that I need humor in my life. Now that’s funny. I take it he’s never read my blog! All the more reason not to friend him. He hasn’t even done his homework on me, which is pretty darn easy in this digital age. His closing remarks were “You don't know me from Adam...” That’s right, sir. I don’t know you from Adam, which is why I’m not interested in being your Facebook friend, your girlfriend, or a student of your teachings on divergent and convergent thinking. While he may think he was putting me in my place, what he was really doing was showing me how judgmental (no e) he was and how he was unable to handle rejection. It is my prerogative to friend those whom I choose and it is not my responsibility if that offends someone’s fragile ego.
Hot tip, gentlemen: you cannot pursue dating the same way you pursue business. A woman cannot be bullied into dating you. Leave the hostile takeovers on Wall Street, fellas. There is no room for them in the dating world.