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« I’ll Be Auditioning For The Role Of Wife | Main | Boyfriend In A Coma »

Hostile Takeover

“No. No, thank you. No f—ing way, you f—ing a**hole.” Any way a woman says it, the message is the same: she is not interested in dating you.

In the corporate world, a hostile takeover allows a suitor to take over a target company whose management is unwilling to agree to a merger or takeover. A takeover is considered "hostile" if the target company's board rejects the offer, but the bidder continues to pursue it, or the bidder makes the offer directly after having announced its firm intention to make an offer. Sounds an awful lot like Internet dating. 

Lately, I’ve had a lot of men pursue me on Facebook. When I politely reply with “I am only accepting male friends who I know personally, or women who have similar interests,” they get nasty—really nasty. Some men can’t accept “no” for an answer; they resort to the hostile takeover approach to pursuing women.

A recent Facebook suitor said that we had met months ago on an online dating site. I vaguely recognized his photo. Given we hadn’t gone on a date, I was pretty sure I had done my due diligence and had concluded that we were not compatible. Now that I was on Facebook, he was relentless in wanting to meet me or at least have a phone conversation. I told him I wasn’t on Facebook to date, and was no longer on the dating site, because I wasn’t currently looking. He replied with hostility and said that if I wasn’t dating, then either my blog was a complete fraud or I was just avoiding dating him. I don’t feel I have to defend myself. I am not Schwarzenegger, Spitzer or Weiner. I have not done something unethical or immoral and do not have to justify my actions. I am entitled to a private life. I am not on trial.

Another shunned suitor accused me of being a convergent thinker, rushing to judgment (to which he added an e after the g—I’m sorry, but when you’re addressing a writer, please use proper grammar and spelling). He said my life was spiritually empty and meaningless, and that I need humor in my life. Now that’s funny. I take it he’s never read my blog! All the more reason not to friend him. He hasn’t even done his homework on me, which is pretty darn easy in this digital age. His closing remarks were “You don't know me from Adam...” That’s right, sir. I don’t know you from Adam, which is why I’m not interested in being your Facebook friend, your girlfriend, or a student of your teachings on divergent and convergent thinking. While he may think he was putting me in my place, what he was really doing was showing me how judgmental (no e) he was and how he was unable to handle rejection. It is my prerogative to friend those whom I choose and it is not my responsibility if that offends someone’s fragile ego.

Hot tip, gentlemen: you cannot pursue dating the same way you pursue business. A woman cannot be bullied into dating you. Leave the hostile takeovers on Wall Street, fellas. There is no room for them in the dating world.

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Reader Comments (9)


Read the piece, peacefully. :) Nice stuff! Could've have been nicer, if you had let your killer sense and timing of humour to swashbuckle your anger. In case you have found something funny and thus preferred to take a dig at it, why so much of anger, frustration, and disgust? :) I'm neither your friend nor your suitor nor your master. But, as a reader and a writer, I can tell you, if not assure, anger and wrath reduce the punch and power of one's expression thereby limit the real worth of his/her words. Hence, drink your hard feelings - if any at all for anyone; let the wounds heal you to immunity; and be happy to be happy or just be unhappy. It's your life, Fair Lady, so rest assured none can ever takeover it minus your consent. That means, what is said and done online or off line, it's you only who actually and factually holds the key. So, what's the point of getting pissed off like this! Be on Google and have some 'peas', instead. And celebrate Gregor Mendel's 189th birthday 'peas-fully'! :P



July 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSushovan Chaudhuri

Thanks for comment, Sushovan.

I'm actually not angry, but amused at how easily enraged these men are by a woman saying she's not interested. But, I do appreciate your reading and commenting!

July 20, 2011 | Registered CommenterLennie Ross

Happens to me all the time... And we are called bitches cause we say no to these jerks! Double standard!

July 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLaurie

I've had similar experiences. When I politely decline, or tell them I don't think we are compatible, most get defensive and nasty. They dont bother to read the requirements for dating on my profile. Lately, I have been ignoring guys who I am not interested in. It seems to be easier then being honest and getting hate mail later.

July 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

That is a good approach. Unfortunately, sometimes when employing the ignore strategy, one still gets hate mail. Not engaging in communication will often deter them. It's a shame one cannot just accept when someone says "no."

July 21, 2011 | Registered CommenterLennie Ross

Those type of men clearly can't see the irony. By them acting like assholes because you won't go out with them (or friend them) just proves how right you were about not going out with them in the first place. Ahh, dating. Isn't it fun?

Miss Melisa Mae

July 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMiss Melisa Mae

Well, you can always choose to ignore them. I don't really see a reason in replying, especially when they get hostile.

Or, I don't really see a reason in replying if you are sure you will not friend them on Facebook. People are just so fragile even when they are rejected on the internet.

Ah well, life goes on :)

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJohn

Melisa Mae, yes my point exactly. They prove that they are not even in the running.

July 23, 2011 | Registered CommenterLennie Ross

John, I agree that the best response is no response... but if they keep badgering you for a reply, manners would prompt one to reply...sometimes when you don't reply they get hostile and then there is no choice but to block them. There is a bravado people have on the internet, because they can hide behind a username without revealing their identity, or revealing their identity but not their home address, phone number, or other way they could be contacted, so they feel they can say and do things that they may not normally say or do if their identity were revealed. I just think it is part in parcel of the demise of manners and social graces that is prevalent in this country. Where are the pleases and thank you's in society?

July 23, 2011 | Registered CommenterLennie Ross

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