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« So Long, And Thanks For The Fish | Main | Man’s Speak: What Men Say & What They Really Mean »

WTF is with DTF?

I love the show Californication. It epitomizes the male perspective on dating in Los Angeles, which can be summed up with not one word, but three letters: DTF

Incase you’re not amongst the hip Showtime viewer demographic, the acronym DTF means down to fuck and is tossed about all too casually by Californication’s Hank Moody and his chunky, bald sidekick/agent, Charlie Runkle, whose only true objectives in life are: a) to make money and b) to get their rocks off—not that there’s anything wrong with either of those objectives, but I think the point of David Duchovny’s character is that he’s supposed to be a pathetic caricature of the Los Angeles male, not an idol. 

There is something wrong with society when a man’s primary concern is whether a woman is DTF.  She’s totally DTF. Is she DTF? Those two girls—DTF?  WTF is with DTF? There isn’t even any incentive for men to date women anymore, because the women are all DTF at the drop of a martini or a hit of ecstasy. (Do people still do ecstasy?) Is ever man now a sex addict just looking for hot, nasty gonzo porn star sex?  Is that what the world has become, or is that just the small, shallow sexual microcosm of Los Angeles.

Wait a minute, isn’t David Duchovny a self-declared sex addict, just like his character on the TV show? Do we once again have this issue of life imitating art and art imitating life, like Charlie Sheen’s former character Charlie Harper in Two and a Half Men (see my blog Drugs, Alcohol & Porn Stars, Oh My…)? I wonder if my readers really think I’m a single woman who can’t find a decent man in Los Angeles, or do they think I just write about that? Does my art imitate my life or my life imitate my art? I digress.

My question to you Los Angeles ladies is this: are you really all DTF any hot, rich, or successful guy that buys you a drink? Is this what you view as sexual equality? And if so, why is it you feel like shit the next day, regretting your indiscretions when the guys are high-fiving over theirs—or worse—not even thinking twice about them?

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Reader Comments (6)

The only place a razor touches me is my face, I'm not a gal, but, provacative stuff. Wow. First, it's not all guys, its a small minority. I would say it exists in a continuum of behaviors people express and though much less so, women do it to. I think generally it's the proclivity of the male psyche meets/percieves opportunity created by changing cultural and social norms? But occurs in the absence of restraint and morals? Men are wired for wanting sex all the time, its testosterone. Testosterone is also the reason so many men are in prison. It can be hard to control without training. Though we have now been taught that morals are subjective... So much content here. It also may partially derive from the changed role of family in morals, absence, especially the nuclear family, the lack of supervision and guidance kids have today as the result of the nuclear family and the ABSENCE OF ELDERS in the household, modernly. Plus the 60's generation raising their kids and reflecting a new wave of liberation and values? Societies structure has changed dramatically.

July 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPeter Cargasacchi

Hmmm... Not sure about the position of the author on this one.

From a 40 something divorced man's perspective I see it this way.

I have learned from experience how important sexual chemistry and compatibility is in a long term relationship. I think women in a similar situation to mine, feel the same way. I think we would both rather get in there and see where we stand on that issue and then see where we are at with the less important issues that often divide people, like finances, family, location. Most of that can be overcome with understanding and compromise. Sexuality and intimacy, not so much.

I don't think it is so much a matter that men view women as to whether or not they are DTF though I get the misogynistic interpretation and reference. I think it is really just shorthand for "Does she understand how important our sexual chemistry is in a long term relationship and the short amount of time we have left in this world to share ourselves with someone else, or does she think any two people can just 'be in a relationship' and therefore want to hold out until I drop a huge chunk of cash so she can then treat sex with her like some kind of present that I get every once in a while when I have been a good boy." But we shorten it to DTF.

People have been saying this stuff about changing morals and values since the dawn of man. Remember the 60's and 70's and the 80's and 90's for that matter? Same stuff. Showing my age a bit.

The point is... we value what we bring to the table too. Sexual compatibility is important to us. If it's not for you, then we shouldn't be together. If it is, then why should we wait to fall in love only to find out we are oil and water in the sack?

It makes perfect sense if you look at it form the perspective of a middle aged misogynist like me.


July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJack Adams

"There isn’t even any incentive for men to date women anymore, because the women are all DTF at the drop of a martini or a hit of ecstasy."

You assume that the only reason men date women is to fuck them. I see dating and sex as two different things. I like to have sex. I like to have sex with women who like to have sex. Right now I'm not looking for a relationship or to settle down. So having lots of (safe, consensual, and fully informed) sex sounds pretty good to me. When I decide I'm ready to put down roots somewhere and engage in a lifestyle that has some semblance of stability, then I'll definitely start dating and stop looking for women who just want something casual. I do eventually want a stable relationship (or stable relationships, if I decide to buck monogamy for polyamory) and casual sex is not going to fill that need. *That* is my incentive for dating women.

Also, at the risk of sounding like some variation of a manarchist, I kinda find it sexist that you assume that women "feel like shit the next day, regretting [their] indiscretions when the guys are high-fiving over theirs." Yeah, there are definitely women who have casual sex and regret it the next day. I avoid sleeping with them. I don't want to cause anyone harm. I don't jump into bed with anyone without full disclosure: I tell them I'm only looking for casual sex, that I'm not looking for a relationship, that I'm clean aside from the occasional cold sore (I get tested for STIs regularly and use condoms), and that I basically just think sex is fun and am trying to have it with as many people as possible right now. I don't pressure them and I give them numerous chances to back out before anything happens. I've kept in contact with every woman I've slept with so far, and none of them have seemed to regret anything. I *don't* want to be anyone's regret.

But okay... if the guys of LA are not being up-front about everything, if they're fooling the women they're sleeping with into sleeping with them or leaving things ambiguous, then obviously they're not being ethical. I can see regrets resulting from that. I've never watched Californication, so I really don't know. But I don't see what's wrong with having lots of sex. It's fun. And it doesn't have to result in regrets for either party.

April 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRyan

Thanks for the post. First I comment you for being upfront about your objective of casual sex and for using condoms. But, you missed my point which is based on research. Most women cannot separate casual sex from the desire to have a real relationship. Women have expectations plain and simple. There is different wiring. I'm all for having lots of sex. Nothing wrong with that, but it's how and with whom and how you treat that person after that is important. Sounds like you may have your head on straight as you're not an LA man (thank god... We don't need more of that mentality). Definitely watch a few episodes of Californication... Though I imagine you watched Entourage which portrayed a similar disregard and objectification of women. Are you in your 20s? I get the sense you may e which would explain your different viewpoint as well. Curious what city you live in.

April 29, 2012 | Registered CommenterLennie Ross

Nah, haven't seen Entourage either. I don't really watch much TV. Sometimes The Office or SNL, maybe once or twice every few months. Game of Thrones or Doctor Who if I'm with my ex.

Yeah, I'm in my twenties. Living in my hometown of Portland, OR.

What research are you referring to?

April 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRyan

Plenty of research from psychology today and other publications.

The lack of exposure to LA culture via TV or in person makes sense as I your viewpoint. I'm originally from a similar city to portland so u understand how different the perspective is. Portland I a much healthier city to live in. Co sided yourself blessed for that reason alone

April 29, 2012 | Registered CommenterLennie Ross

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