The cold weather is here and so are my nipples, and I am not going to hide them despite a recent article on EcoSalon declaring nipple visibility a fashion faux pas. I’m not some feminist radical Jane Fonda of the 70s type women, but I hate bras. I hate the way they feel. They are uncomfortable. They bind, they chafe, and when you have small breasts, they ride up. There’s nothing to weigh them down. I’d like to burn all my bras, but I’m afraid the stench of melting fabric, under-wires, and foam in my fireplace would draw unwanted attention by the police and fire department.
When I wear a bra it looks like I’m trying too hard—like a little girl playing dress up in mommy’s clothes and using lipstick as rouge all over her cheeks. I look better braless. All flat-chested women do. Jodie Foster has proven this point year after year by wearing plunging Armani necklines to the Oscars.
Before her breast implants, Farrah Fawcett made small breasts and nipples the size of licorice nibs sexy in her famous red swimsuit poster. Sheer fabrics exposing small braless breasts have always been in Vogue and on the runways during Fashion Week. And, nary a season has gone by in which Ralph Lauren has not featured small-breasted, braless women in sheer fabrics. Ralph likes nipples. He is the epitome of American fashion. Surely, he can’t be wrong! While Kate Hudson revealed a little too much nipple at the AMA’s in 2009, you have to admit that her dress would not work on Kim Kardashian’s after-market rack.
I don’t care if you have a problem with it. I choose to flaunt what I’ve got—sexy little breasts and a great set of gams. It’s gonna be mini skirts and braless breasts till I’m no longer able, which won’t be any time soon. I occasionally get a stern look from an older, uptight woman, but the men in my company don’t seem to mind. And if a man I dated did mind that subtle hint of nipple showing through my wife-beater or my Gucci dress, I would simply tell him this: If large-breasted women like Pamela Anderson, Sofia Vergara, and Kim Kardashian can expose their cleavage so much it looks like a trucker’s ass, why can’t I show a little tasteful nipple?
Here’s to the women of Hollywood who know that self-esteem does not come in two plastic sacs from DOW chemicals. Thank you Debra Messing, Kate Hudson, Cameron Diaz, Gweneth Paltrow, Keira Knightly and Katie Holmes (to name a few). Now if only we could get you to understand that beauty does not come from bulimia. Just ask Jane Fonda—she wrote the book on it!