When I was young, I used to love watching Popeye cartoons. Popeye was in love with Olive Oyl, and they had their pet "Eugene the Jeep" and a baby, Swee'Pea. It was all very romantic, even to a kid. But, I should have paid more attention to what Popeye said. Not just the "strong to the finish, cause I eat my spinach" song, but Popeye clearly stated over and over again, "I yam what I yam and you ain't gonna change me..."
It is said the definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. If that's the case, I'm a certifiable nut job. I've chased a writing career for 20 years, convinced every time that the next project will provide my big break. I've dated the same type of man over and over—a guy who is irresponsible with money and not driven to succeed—believing that if he had me behind him, supporting him emotionally and financially, he could (and would) be my Popeye. He would be strong to the finish, and we would both be the beneficiaries of his hard work and my unfaltering support.
I have been in several relationships where I thought I could change the person I was with. I was young and foolish. I was with the dreamer—the Peter Pan who refused to grow up. He was the kind of man who was looking for a shortcut in life and I was largely that short cut. What I didn't take into consideration was free will, and the fact that the men I had chosen may not have been as motivated as I was or had the confidence in themselves that I had in them. They suffered from depression, insecurity, jealousy and occasional fits of rage. What was I thinking!
Now I am older and wiser. I have learned to have confidence in myself and no longer feel the need to hide behind a man. I still prefer to be in a relationship where the man does the heavy lifting, but I have learned to look for a man who already has the characteristics I find attractive in a partner, rather than try to mould someone into my ideal. Once I find that man, I need to make sure he is who I think he is, because thinking I can change him? Well, that's just crazy. Ugh-ugh-ugh-ugh-ugh (in Popeye voice).