Match.com recently rated LA as one of the top ten cities for divorced women with children: making Los Angeles less of a City of Angeles and more a City of Cougars. I’m confused. Does that mean divorced with children is appealing to men? It seems most single men want nothing to do with divorced women—particularly if they have children. Where's the fun in that? Evidently for young men, there's lots of fun in these single Cougar MILFs.
Lately a lot of 25-year old boys have been flirting with me. When I say flirting, I mean clearly wanting to get it on with me. At least these boys have the cohones to ask me out—more than I can say for 40-60 year old men who seem more accustomed to dialing a number and having a girl show up for an hour than following traditional dating etiquette. Nevertheless, I can’t seem to wrap my head around dating someone younger than me. I guess some people do it—have sex with people half their age—because they can. Maybe it comes from a fear of dying, a quest for eternal youth—like Dorian Gray—or a mere appreciation for beauty, but I think it comes from insecurity.
I abhor the term cougar. I find it highly offensive. If you don’t understand why, just watch one episode of Cougartown. The women on that show come across as desperate and pathetic. Courtney Cox has so much synthetic filler injected into her face, she's starting to look like one of the blue creatures from Avatar. Freezing ones face with Botox does not freeze the biological clock. We're all getting older. Why can't we just accept it? I am all for aging gracefully, but plastic surgery is rarely the solution. To the discerning eye, plastic surgery is always noticeable and it makes a woman look vain, insecure, and usually older than she actually is, because young women don’t need plastic surgery. The same can be said for having sex with someone half your age.
The Urban Dictionary defines cougar as "an older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim" (hello, Courtney...step away Juvéderm) "to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie or milf" Their words not mine.
Simone Grant recently wrote an article entitled “Him?” on how she sees her perfect man differently than her friends. I’m with Simone in that I prefer older men in their 50s to early 60s. For one thing, they can’t run as fast and are easier to catch. Of course, they might break a hip when you tackle them to the ground. Ouch! Okay, so maybe I have daddy issues. What I have come to realize is that age does not necessarily result in more graciousness and better manners. I’ve met many older men who are too wrapped up in getting what they want out of life to consider what their partner might want or need. Likewise, I’ve met many younger men who know exactly how to treat a woman like a lady. Perhaps that’s why there is such a trend for older women to date younger men, because the young pups aren’t assholes—yet. I think it’s likely a vanity trend that a woman can still feel hot enough to attract a younger man. If that’s the case, is she really any different than her male counterpart: the mature man who is dating a 24 year old?
Why is it there are more eyebrows raised at older women who date significantly younger men than older men dating younger women? Is it because men view cougars as desperate, older women who are easy to get in the sack, because they’re horny and have low self-esteem? What’s good for the gander may be good for the goose, but maybe we’re taking this whole equality thing just a bit too far to say it's okay for older women to behave as distastefully as older men by fucking someone thirty years their junior. All you women who despise men who date little tarts and wonder what they could possibly have in common, please step a few inches back from the mirror, stop examining the crows feet and start examining your head. Isn’t a cougar the exact same thing? And why is there no term for the men? Oh, there is. He’s called a letch.
By the Urban Dictionary definition, I am not a cougar. I don’t consider myself older and I certainly don’t prowl. If I want to get laid, there is a line up of men—young and old—running down the block and around the corner. All I have to do is open my door. Most of the time I couldn't be bothered. I can have more fun alone and I know there's no risk of disappointment. Young men are pretty to look at, but are they really a match for a mature woman? It’s hard enough to find a forty-five year old man who is good in bed, emotionally mature, and financially stable. Maybe the key is to take these boys at face value and simply view them for what they are: boy toys.
Oh, you don’t like that term? How about young pup? If you insist on classifying me as some kind of feline, I’d rather be called a sex kitten than a cougar. And as far as younger men are concerned, maybe I just haven’t found the right catnip yet…Oh wait, I hear someone calling my name. “Here kitty, kitty…”