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Snip Snip

There comes a time in every woman’s life where she’s sweating bullets in the checkout line at her local pharmacy as she unpacks a bunch of random items, hoping the person standing behind her doesn't notice the pregnancy kit nestled amongst a bag of Doritos, a box of tampons (wishful thinking that you do get your period), some makeup wipes and sunscreen. You’ve been there, right? You look at the items on the moving conveyer. It looked like more in the basket, so you quickly grab a gossip magazine, a pack of gum and a few bottles of five-hour energy drinks and add them to the pile. You wait for it—a tsk-tsk sound from the cashier, a critical eye from the person behind you—but, it never comes. Buying a pregnancy test is infinitely more embarrassing than buying condoms. If anyone notices the EPT kit you know they’re thinking, “If she had been responsible and bought condoms, she wouldn’t need that.”

Accidents happen whether using condoms or birth control. With all the controversy around women's rights to birth control, the fifty-year old debate about pro life versus pro choice, I thought I'd throw a little fuel on the fire. Why not! Women everywhere were horrified by Rush Limbaugh calling Georgetown University law student Sandra Fluke a whore for her desire to make birth control free to women. As a liberal Canadian woman who believes in preventative medicine, I’ve had this thought for decades. It is far cheaper to prevent a pregnancy than raise an unwanted child.

I was in the drug store recently reacting not to a mistake in judgment or a drunken night or reckless abandon, but to the advice of my gynecologist who advise me that my birth control had been recalled and that I might want to get an EPT kit. Might want to? Of course I wanted to get an EPT kit. Post haste!

The man in my life made it very clear that under no circumstances did he want a child. His children were already grown up, and from the sounds of things he never really enjoyed the experience. Myself, I never really thought about children. I come from a generation of women that were told they should have a career, so I chose that as my number one priority, over finding a husband and over raising a family (for more on this subject, read Why I’m Not Married). Having not really succeeded as a career woman, I wasn't quite sure how I would feel or what I would do if I were accidentally pregnant.
Fortunately, I wasn't, but this experience of alerting my partner to the fact that my birth control may have been faulty brought up a whole new discussion. If he was so adamant about not bringing another life into this world, why was I responsible for ensuring that didn't happen? I suggested he bear the responsibility. He looked at me stunned and asked how he could he assume the responsibility. Condoms were clearly not an option for him at this point in our relationship. My reply was simple. Ever heard of a vasectomy? He was thrilled with the idea and ready to schedule one the following day.

Vasectomies are more common than ever, with one out of five men over the age of 35 having gone under the knife. They are increasingly popular with professional athletes, celebrities and married men who have dalliances outside of their marriages. Shooting blanks ensures there will be no blackmail incidents or embarrassing Arnold Schwarzenegger moments. Roughly a half million vasectomies are performed in the United States every year and most health insurance companies will cover the cost as an outpatient procedure. Not only that, but it only takes a few days to recover—get a little snip, snip on a Friday and be back in action by Monday. Enjoying the sales pitch? For more info and to find the sterilizing Doctor nearest you, check out Vasectomy Medical.


If you enjoy my blog, please support my writing by purchasing my novel  “Blow Me” available on AmazonBarnes & NobleGoogle BooksLulu and on my website www.lennieross.com 


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Reader Comments (7)

not me - this bull is a bull - no steer for me!

May 19, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterchristo

Then that bull had better wear a raincoat :)

May 22, 2012 | Registered CommenterLennie Ross

Well, that picture alone probably prevented a few babies from being made! I'm still OK with the raincoat as the whole "snip-snip" thing kind of scares me. Mind you, this isn't a fear based in science or medicine, but rather that stronger fear that a man uses to protect his jewel chest at all costs. Just blazenly allowing sharp object with the INTENTION of slicing, doesn't sit well with me. FYI - It's very hard to sit here and type with legs in defensive crossed position.

May 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJeff D.

So I shouldn't invite you in the kitchen when I'm chopping tomatoes? Guess not :)

May 24, 2012 | Registered CommenterLennie Ross

Done 30 years ago. Simplest and easiest thing I've ever had to accomplish No problems, no issues, plenty of bullets....just blanks!

THX Lennie for a great post

【ツ】Dick ♥

May 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDick Chassé

A real man [not a male] will not put his gal thru chemicals or a much more invasive operation to tie her tubes...or more. The vasectomy is a 30 min deal, no anesthesia [just a local ] as an outpatient and you walk away. A bit sore for a day or two [should have plenty of wine on hand and a few movies] and that's it!

【ツ】Dick ♥

May 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDick Chassé

What can I say? I always knew you were a good man!

June 4, 2012 | Registered CommenterLennie Ross

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