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Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct Blow Me Blow Me Half Broke Horses The Glass Castle Steve Jobs

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Welcome to my blog on dating in Los Angeles.  I hope you find my real life stories and anecdotes on being smart, sexy and single in the City of Angels as amusing (and tragic) as I do.  If you enjoy reading my posts, please share this blog site with your friends, family, loved ones, and less loved ones.  

Please check out my Sex and the City style novel Blow Me—available now in e-book and paperback on my website and lulu.com. Also available in ebook on amazon.com and Google books.

Entries in Dating Tips (30)


I’ll Be Auditioning For The Role Of Wife  

Online dating is just like auditioning. The casting director sifts through a sea of electronically submitted photos, one strikes a chord of interest, and then—with any luck on the part of the actor—an audition is set. Just like online dating, it's rare the actor gets an audition, and even more rare that he gets the lands the gig.

I have dated and auditioned excessively. With both dating and auditioning, a decision is made the minute you walk in the room. All you can do is either confirm that decision or fight an uphill battle trying to prove otherwise which rarely results in success. The moment I meet a date, I know whether it’s going to be a good or bad experience. I’m rarely surprised. I can try to convince myself that something more is there, but I am eventually forced to see that my first impression was right.  

Speed dating seems to make a lot more sense than online dating, by cutting straight to the audition room and not getting weeded out in the photo and resume process. We are instinctive creatures. We have a fight or flight instinct. We sense weakness and strength in others and our attraction (or lack thereof) is immediate. You see someone on an elevator and you smile or you don’t smile. Believe it or not, in that split second you have made a decision about that person. You don’t take your time throughout the elevator ride to decide if you like the person, if they seem friendly to you, and then consciously decide whether you should smile. You just go with it.

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Hostile Takeover

“No. No, thank you. No f—ing way, you f—ing a**hole.” Any way a woman says it, the message is the same: she is not interested in dating you.

In the corporate world, a hostile takeover allows a suitor to take over a target company whose management is unwilling to agree to a merger or takeover. A takeover is considered "hostile" if the target company's board rejects the offer, but the bidder continues to pursue it, or the bidder makes the offer directly after having announced its firm intention to make an offer. Sounds an awful lot like Internet dating. 

Lately, I’ve had a lot of men pursue me on Facebook. When I politely reply with “I am only accepting male friends who I know personally, or women who have similar interests,” they get nasty—really nasty. Some men can’t accept “no” for an answer; they resort to the hostile takeover approach to pursuing women.

A recent Facebook suitor said that we had met months ago on an online dating site. I vaguely recognized his photo. Given we hadn’t gone on a date, I was pretty sure I had done my due diligence and had concluded that we were not compatible. Now that I was on Facebook, he was relentless in wanting to meet me or at least have a phone conversation. I told him I wasn’t on Facebook to date, and was no longer on the dating site, because I wasn’t currently looking. He replied with hostility and said that if I wasn’t dating, then either my blog was a complete fraud or I was just avoiding dating him. I don’t feel I have to defend myself. I am not Schwarzenegger, Spitzer or Weiner. I have not done something unethical or immoral and do not have to justify my actions. I am entitled to a private life. I am not on trial.

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Friend Zone or End Zone?

I was recently a guest on “'Game On”, a radio show devoted to the art of meeting and attracting women. One of the topics discussed was whether a guy should accept just being friends with a girl if his objective is either to be in a relationship with her or to have sex with her. You may think those are the same thing, but they’re not. There are boyfriends and there are fuck buddies. Either way, when a woman says she’d like to be friends she does not want to be your girlfriend or your fuck buddy. It is her non-confrontational way of saying “It’s not going to work out. I think we should move on.”

It could be that she’s seeing someone else, but more likely she just doesn’t consider you boyfriend material. Either she’s not sexually attracted to you or she detected some kind of deal-breaker behavior. You may not hear the “let’s be friends” line until the second or third date, which may add to your confusion. She may not have had enough information to make a decision after a first date, or she wasn’t strong enough to say “no” to a second date. Either way, she’s saying “no” now with “let’s be friends.” It’s important that you hear what she’s actually saying.

Everyone on the radio show concurred that the friend zone does not lead to the end zone. You may think you have your foot in the door, and it’s only a matter of time before she lets you all the way in, but that’s not the case.

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i•thumb noun \ī-ˈthəm\

Definition of iThumb:

1:  Inflammation caused by overuse of mobile devices such as iPhones, iPads, Blackberries and Droids causing soreness of thumbs and numbness in hands, often radiating to wrists, elbows, and shoulders which if left untreated may lead to Carpal Tunnel Syndrome and in extreme cases require surgery.

I recently wrote a guest post on Singletease called He Texts Me, He Texts Me Not on how texting is harmful to your dating life. Turns out, it’s also harmful to your health. You might have noticed lately that I’ve been doing more and more video blogging. This is partly to explore a new medium, but mainly to give my hands a rest from typing. It seems that all my texting, typing, Tweeting and Facebooking has caused me to have iThumb. Thank you, Steve Jobs. While I love your technology, I could do without the ergonomic design flaws of the iPad and iPhone. Maybe it's operator error. Ever notice how the iPhone and iPad advertisements never show anyone using their thumbs? This is likely at the advice of in-house legal liability counsel. Don’t get me wrong. I love my Apple gadgets and I love Steve Jobs. He’s an über-genius. I find that immensely sexy, which brings me back to the point of this blog.

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5 Common First Date Mistakes

First dates are full of expectation and angst.  Each party comes to the table with a wish list and a deal breaker list, and throughout the course of the date, both the man and the woman are going through their checklist as they size each other up. It’s good to be aware of some common first date mistakes so you don’t wind up on someone’s deal breaker list. In this video I discuss the following 5 common mistakes:

1. Talking Excessively About Yourself

2. Talking About Your Ex

3. Being Negative or Sarcastic

4. Lacking Basic Manners & Social Skills

5. Immediately Asking For A Second Date

I hope you enjoy my video and wish you the best in dating! 


The Right Way To Hit On Women At The Gym

A few weeks ago, I told you why hitting on women at the gym is not a great idea.  But, I know that if you see this amazing girl at the gym and you just have to approach here, you’re going to do what you’re going to do.  At least let me help you by sharing four tips on how to tactfully approach a woman at the gym. 

1.  The Slow Build: Even though you may have been eying her for weeks, she may not have noticed you. So take your time approaching her. Flirting with eye contact and the occasional hello with her will give you an indication as to whether she’s interested. You do not want to rush this process, because you’ll come off aggressive and she may instinctually put her guard up.

2.  Avoid The Sleaze, Please: Skip the cheesy lines like  “Do you come here often?” and never make comments on her body. No leering (especially while she’s stretching), no stalking, and only approach one girl at the gym at a time.

3.  Know When To Quit: If she is showing no interest or is intentionally avoiding you, you might want to take that as a sign that she’s not interested. Time to move on to the next hottest girl at the gym.

4.  When & How To Seal The Deal: When it feels right, when she's showing some interest, then is it time for you to make your move. But, it's important you ask her out the right way, something casual, a smoothie or coffee, sometime after a work out. Giving her advance notice is a good idea.

Check out the video for more details!