Trick?

Last week I wrote a blog called Three Reasons Why Not To Dress Like A Ho. There is one time of year when dressing like a ho is not only acceptable, but the common theme—at least in Los Angeles—and that’s Halloween. It may have all started with Hugh Hefner’s annual Halloween Party at the Playboy Mansion, where women parade around in costumes fabricated entirely of bodypaint, but it seems that slutty Halloween costumes are the norm for LA women. I confess, I have done this myself. Last year I went as a sexy female Elvis, the year before I was a sexy school girl (with a priest as my date), and the year before that I was a slutty Sarah Palin.

I'm not going to lie. I chose my previous sexy costumes because they were cheap and easy—not unlike how I looked in them. In keeping with the theme of cheap & easy, here are three slutty Halloween costume suggestions that are sure to get a laugh, or at least a little attention:

Kim Kardashian: If you don’t have black hair, grab a cheap black wig which are plentiful at costume stores this time of year (due to the popularity of witches), wriggle into an inappropriately short dress with a plunging neckline, and go to one of those $10 or under jewelry stores and get the biggest fake diamond ring you can find. If you don’t have cleavage or a bootie, four partially filled balloons will . Of course, you could end up being mistaken for Cher.

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Why I'm Not Married

It's June. Wedding season is officially here, having been kicked off in April by the royal wedding. Hugh Hefner is marrying his child bride on June 18th and Kim Kardashian just got weighted down with a 20.5 carat engagement ring worth a little over 2 million dollars. Love is in the air—or at least celebrity marriages are lofting about. Am I feeling left out? Not really.

I recently read an article in Marie-Claire called Did You Marry The Wrong Guy? Typical women’s magazine subject matter—but effective. It got me thinking about my life and why I’m not married. I know why I’m not married, but it’s a question often asked by the men I date. They are looking for something wrong with me. They are looking for a flaw. Once bitten, twice shy. Too good to be true. All that jazz. Why can’t they just recognize a good thing when they see it and say “wow, where have you been all my life?” and quickly put a ring on my finger, before some other man gets the same idea.

While I don’t try to pass myself off as internally flawless, the rating given to the most pure diamonds, I do consider myself to be VVS1—or very very slightly imperfect.

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The Expiration Date On Sperm...

“Bachelor number one is a successful magazine tycoon who enjoys lounging poolside in silk robes, throwing lingerie parties for his friends and drinking a Viagra-laced fiber supplement for breakfast.” If The Dating Game were around today, Jim Lange might use that description to introduce Hugh Hefner. Sound appealing to a 24-year-old model? Apparently, yes.  

Hugh Hefner, the 85-year-old founder of Playboy magazine and America’s most infamous bachelor, has decided to tie the knot for the third – and reportedly last – time to Crystal Harris, a woman who is young enough to be his granddaughter. Last week Hef and his blushing bride set their wedding date as June 18, 2011. I’d be blushing too if I were engaged to an octogenarian.

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